Girls that’s been cheated on.
I’ve seen this before and every time I read the words it reminds me of how true this statement is. I will never forget when I was battling cancer. I was really feeling sorry for myself. No job, financially bankrupt, my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes and toe nails had fallen out. At the time I found myself feeling like my world was over. Father Michael encouraged me to volunteer at the homeless shelter at my church. I agreed.
My first day I received the greatest blessing ever. A huge dose of humble pie. All of our guests who were lined up outside came in to have breakfast. I had never met so many people who exuded more gratitude than those people I met that day. They had nothing. They were living in the park and yet their gratitude was overwhelming. I found myself feeling overwhelmed with a feeling that reminded me of just how ungrateful I had been. I couldn’t hold back the tears so I went to the back room and cried my eyes out. That day changed my life forever. I see others with a compassionate heart. Every time I feel sorry for myself I think of the wonderful people I met that day. Hence, a reminder there are always others who’s story is worse than mine.
On my walk this morning. The sun was shining. The view of the snow covered Cascades against the blue skies was simply breathtaking. I use this time during my walk to pray. Not only for myself but so many others on my prayer list. Today was no different. After praying I went to my YouTube and this song popped up. I’ve always loved this song. I must have been 14 years old when it was released, however the lyrics still touch my heart and soul and reminds me that life is nothing more than a canvas. A painting for me of sailing through the storms and finding peace and tranquility. as
I love the water and I especially love being on the water on a boat. The serenity of just being still, listening to the waves splash against the boat, the feeling of the sun radiating through my body gives me a sense of warmth. There’s nothing more beautiful. In my opinion, the water, the sun and everything around it is my interpretation of Gods love. As I listen to the lyrics I am reminded that peace and tranquility are possible. Everything in life will work out.
However just for today I’d like to get lost in a fantasy as I listen to this song. A fantasy that I’m sailing and everything is going to be alright.
I’m sitting at the clinic waiting for my mom. While waiting I heard this song playing. It always reminds me of my dad when I hear it. I’m so grateful I was with him the night he passed away and I’m grateful I was able to tell him I loved him. Yet there were still so many things Left unsaid. So many missed opportunities to spend time together. I only wish I had taken the time.
I’m posting this song as a reminder that life is short. Let the people in your life know you love them. Tell them the things that are on your mind. Spend quality time with them and whatever you do stop fighting with one another. No fight or argument is worth it in the end. No matter how angry you are you will most certainly miss the people you love when they’re gone and you’ll look back and realize all the things you didn’t say and the the things you shouldn’t have. Live life with No regrets.
So today tell the special people in your life you love them. Say it loud and say it clear. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
I still miss my dad. I’d give anything to sit down with him. Shoot the breeze like we used to. I’d give anything to Listen to him tell me one of his funny stories that made me laugh and I’d give anything to say “I love you” just one more time.
I have been struggling through an emotional challenge as of late. No need to share the details. I’m an open book but I still believe some things are meant to be private. A friend posted a video of the sound of birds chirping while on her walk this morning. I replied with the following comment. As I wrote about my favorite bird I was reminded that I’m not only resilient I can soar through any storm. With that said. This too shall pass. And on the days I feel like I’ve been defeated, I just have to pick myself up again and once again soar like an Iwa.
I love the sound of the birds chirping. It reminds me of being a kid during the summer time. I’d wake up to the sound of the birds chirping outside and a cool breeze coming through the window. One of my favorite birds is the Iwa. The Iwa (pronounced Eva) is a Polynesian bird that the natives look up to. They refer to this bird as “The Storm Bird”. This bird is beloved for its resilience and its ability to withstand any storm. With a wing span of 7 feet it can fly for days, even weeks looking for food. The Iwa can withstand any storm. It has the resilience to pick itself up when the wind knocks it down. When they finally find their prey, they dive in to the ocean despite the fact their feathers are not waterproof and hook their food with their hook like beak. The Iwa never travels more than 50 miles from land. The Polynesian fisherman look for the Iwa when they are fishing. If the Iwa is flying above they know they will be fruitful fisherman. Those lost at sea look for the Iwa. If they see the Iwa they know they are 50 miles from land. I love the sound of the birds chirping but I also love the resilience of this particular bird. A reminder that I can soar through any storm with the grace and resilience of that of the Iwa.
If you find yourself resonating with any of the following tips, do yourself a favor….run!!!
Your guy lies to you and then tries to minimize it by saying “it wasn’t actually a lie. More like a white lie. “I told a white lie to protect our relationship.” There’s four words for this. He’s full of shit!
Your guy cheats on you. When you find out he somehow finds a way to blame you for his infidelity causing you to stay and worse feel guilty for his transgression.
Your guy calls you names including bitch, psycho, the “C” word. In short, any derogatory word or insult. He brings you down and causes you to feel so insecure and worthless.
He yells at you, throws iPads across the room, becomes extremely volatile and hostile for no reason then demands space. Even telling you you’re not allowed to call for 24 hours because he needs “space”. He needs space because he’s cheating.
Sends pictures of his private parts to other women. You find the messages then he denies it even though you show him the proof.
He Blames and shames you. He is never accountable for his actions.
You find hidden comments on his Facebook page from other women
Manipulates you to the point you question your sanity.
He tells you he needs a woman with money. He’s broke and struggles to pay the rent. Therefore he needs a woman with money so they can pull their resources together. This one is my favorite. He’s a user and a loser!!
He tells you he needs to “drift” to connect with his spirit guide. The Wolf. He claims to be spiritual yet his spirituality leaves you scratching your head.
The universe brought you together. You are soul mates destined to be with each other. Which is why he begins demanding marriage only one month after connecting with you on Facebook and by phone yet you’ve never met each other.
He proposes to you on his knees with a mood ring he bought at a convenience store two days after you find out he’s cheating then becomes angry when you say no.
He sends you this message after leading you to believe the universe brought you together as soul mates to spend your life together.
“Yes we were destined to be together but not necessarily as a couple we were destined to be together because there was work to be done and my work was to show you the way and then you know we got involved and the universe pulled me away (he was cheating) in another direction to help someone else and it’s gonna pull me again. It is what has happened my entire life. I’ve sat in the darkness in my cave at my house for a year and I can’t do that anymore I have to be able to get out and do his work and you know you can’t handle the fact that I am going to be called to other people both men and female and that is the issue and that is what I’m being told now and so that is why everything happened”
When he tells you this…bolt! He’s completely full of crap!!
He tells you he spent the weekend crying in bed after you tell him you need to respect yourself and walk away. Then you see a post from another woman referring to him As a “Wild” man. You confront him and learn he was at a channeling/chanting ritual playing a drum to release all the pain. He apparently became wild. Again…run. It’s shear bologna.
You get this message after confronting him asking “are you seeing someone?”
“Oh my God when do I have time to get into another relationship I’m talking about the work that I’m here to do. The channeling the healing whatever it is it varies it depends all the time. You really never took the time to understand my powers you have only criticized me for having them and doubted them and laughed at them. I channel shit to you all the time and ANN (I didn’t know about Ann. Surprise) come in for me it’s coming from above. But of course you don’t believe that so I don’t know what’s coming, all I know is it’s time for me to get back on my path and be and do what I was put on this planet to do so I don’t have to relive this again. (He believes he’s led many lives. I think he’s a cat) This has been one of the hardest lives I could ever imagine anyone him to leave the things that have gone through the people that have lost the things that of happened to me personally and it’s time for me to step up and do what I’m supposed to do I’m sorry I even mentioned it you can’t handle what what the truth is you can’t handle the truth”
Yup after reading a message like this please know you’re not crazy. He is.
He minimizes all of his actions and always finds a way to blame you and of course his loneliness.
He accuses you of abandoning him.
His only request is you make him your number one priority. Him first, god second and then family.
He believes he was brought to you by the universe to heal you. Yet you relapse after 16 1/2 years and find yourself in crisis counseling. If that’s healing RUN!!!
He’s a powerful spirit, channeler and healer. A professed empath. He knows what you’re thinking, what you’re going to say and can feel you seconds before you call. So he says. Of course what he channels isn’t remotely close to what you’re thinking or were about to say. Here’s an example of a message I received.
“I just deliver the message I’m simply a channeler not a healer The Individual has to determine what to do with the message. Its that simple. I’m not God and only God can heal but we can heal ourselves through prayer and meditation”
My guy insisted the spirits told him we were destined to be together then when he found a new victim the story changed. I challenged him saying “obviously either your spirit guides lied or you did after he sent me the following message. If this isn’t a red flag I don’t know what is.
“Yes I believed that but in what context clearly it was not as a couple. Sadly that is the current truth” this message after I called him out for leading me to believe the universe brought us together. It was our destiny. The truth is he was cheating.
He needs passion and touch. If you don’t give it to him he will find someone to give it to him. Be prepared to be blamed for his infidelity.
He yells profanity at all drivers when driving in his car. One might refer to his behavior as Road Rage.
He is depressed one day, lonely the next and it’s all your fault.
He gets scammed on the internet. Yup…you guessed it. It’s your fault!
He never lets you talk. He dominates the phone call, arguments, conversation. He never listens and when he’s done he hangs up on you or walks away leaving you hanging because you never had the chance to get in a word in edgewise.
He ignores you and makes you feel less than.
If you call him he becomes irritable because your call is inconvenient.
If you ask about his day he takes offense and becomes defensive. You’re “bird dogging” him.
He really believes he’s god. He will claim god is working through him. He might say the Holy Spirit.
He tells you he has no respect for you then says you misunderstood. What part of “I have no respect for you” did I not understand?! Listen if he can’t respect you then you must have the courage to respect yourself and give this guy the boot!!
He says things that are so hurtful then accuses you of taking his words the wrong way. He simply said those things out of anger. It’s your fault for making him angry.
My favorite. I never said that. You’re psycho. You prove it and he still denies it.
He does or says one thing then denies it. This behavior causes you to question your sanity.
If you find yourself feeling nuts. Dreading answering the phone for fear of who will be on the other end. Doctor Love or Doctor Jekyl you’re in a relationship with one messed up guy who you’ve allowed to mess you up!!
He tells you you are possessed by the evil spirit living in your basement. Which includes an open portal where the evil Spirits come and go to possess you. Do not question him. He’s a very powerful force who is simply channeling the message from the spirits. His remedy is quite often move out of your home. Leave everything behind. Marry him and live with him. He will take really good care of you. Hmm I’ll bet! If you haven’t lost your mind you will certainly end up like a character in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.”
These are just a few red flags based on my experience. I’m sharing because I have found myself insane to the point I lost my dignity, self respect and ability to have a clear mind. There’s a term for men like this. Gas-lighters. If you find yourself resonating with any of these red flags….run and don’t look back. If you have other red flags and you would like to add please share them on the comment line. It’s important to share our stories with others. There are so many victims out there going through the same. It’s up to us and when I say us, I mean both men and women. Yes men find themselves as victims too!!
I received a lengthy email not long ago from a reader. She wrote a very lovely letter. What stood out to me was the following quote.
“You teach people how to treat you – by putting up with it you are teaching this man that it’s okay to do this to you – it’s not! Ask yourself, what would you tell a close friend going through the same trauma?”
These words really hit home. I’m guilty of allowing myself to be treated badly. No more!! No one has the right to treat us like crap. Each and everyone of us deserves better. I’m attaching the reply from a woman after I voiced my pain and concerns over the relationship I found myself in. I hope it resonates and hits home with anyone suffering like it did for me. With that said, I’m not a therapist. I’m simply a blogger sharing my personal experience.
Response from one of my readers below after one of my Facebook posts in a private group.
“I’m reading this and feel so sad, but I also feel resolved for you. You have voiced your fear now it’s time to let it go and gather courage and get the heck out of there. I have had to do this myself, so I know.
Go no contact. Block all methods of contact. Change your addresses, phone numbers, whatever you need to do. Find strength and courage in taking care of yourself first. Move if you have to. Get out of the way and stay out of the way. Surround yourself with people you know you can trust and if for now that’s only your therapist lean on her/him. Call on your need for self-preservation and just do it. To overcome fear we must rely on our strength, and no matter what he has said to you about you it is not you. It is him. Ignore him and move on.
My grandmother has a similar story I’m writing a novel around. It’s about her escape from a toxic 27 year marriage (in the 60s) and is a story of female empowerment following years of domestic oppression. Her courage blows me away, but it was her desperation to get away that drove her. If she can do it, so can you.
Holding space for you. ❤️
You teach people how to treat you – by putting up with it you are teaching this man that it’s okay to do this to you – it’s not! Ask yourself, what would you tell a close friend going through the same trauma?
You are not to blame for his actions. All of the blame here lies squarely on his shoulders. You are not to blame for being scared. He is to blame for placing you in a situation where you are scared. You are not nuts. I have been in an abusive relationship in my past. I did not deserve to be abused. You do not deserve to be treated the way he treats you. You are innocent. You are guilty of nothing. He is to blame for intimidating you, for deliberately treating you in such a way that you feel badly about yourself. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You are a good person. That is so obvious to me. You’re scared, and rightly so. I’m pretty sure I would be. I feel that being treated badly in the way that you are being treated, especially over a long period of time, would erode your self confidence and interfere with your ability to act. I think it would mine. It took great courage for you to reach out to us in the way that you have. I for one, am so glad that you did. I know that I am not alone in this. Again and again I see people here coming from that caring place as they share and encourage each other. And please, please, get the counseling you need. You will get through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel.”