Look into your heart whenever you need to make a decision

Look in to your heart

Aria-Bella Rises

17DA-1

Look into your heart whenever you need to make a decision.
 
Your heart will never lead you wrong.
 
While all of us wants the best for us. Sometimes our brain can let ego get in the way of making decisions for us – because it wants to keep us super safe and has to question whether anything is good for us or not.
 
Our heart doesn’t have that problem. It comes from a space of pure love and acceptance so it can make loving decisions that it knows is right for us regardless if they seem a little scary or outside our comfort zone.
 
Leading from the heart will never lead you astray. Instead it will happily show you the way with a warm hand and a gentle guiding light.
 
Affirm with the Angels today ” I lead with my heart into joyous moments”
 

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Betrayal 4-16-19

Most of us aren’t likely to betray anyone to a death squad. But as we meditate on the events of the Passion, we might reflect on the times we’ve betrayed a trust, the times we’ve talked about someone behind their back, the times we’ve stayed silent when a friend has been ridiculed. Resolve to keep silent when tempted to gossip and to speak out when others are gossiping. That sounds like a challenge, doesn’t it? It is. Pray for the grace to meet it.

—from the book The Hope of Lent: Daily Reflections from Pope Francis by Diane M. Houdek

Nothing lasts

Nothing lasts. Everything is always changing

Aria-Bella Rises

16DA-1

Nothing lasts.
 
Everything ebbs and flows. Coming and going. Toing and froing.
 
Honestly life is a moving kaleidoscope of magic.
 
Nothing good or bad stays the same for any definite period of time. It all gradually moves or changes each second of every day.
 
Let that be a comfort when things are not going your way. This too shall pass just like everything else you have gotten through in your life.
 
Let that excite you when things are going fantastic and getting more fantastical by the second.
 
Remember everything, like the ocean, like the sun and moon rising and setting – comes and goes. Ebbs and flows.
 
Enjoy the gentle lapping of time changing.
 
“I know my life ebbs and flows so I relish in whatever I’m feeling at the moment”
 
Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

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Missed Again 4-14-19

I was on my way home listening to Sirius radio in my car. I love the 80’s station among the 70’s, Motown and jazz. Today I was listening to the 80’s channel. What can I say? I still love the 80’s. Mark Goodman, the announcer on the radio was telling the story of Phil Collins album after his divorce before he played a song from Phil Collins. One of the songs he wrote on his divorce album was “Missed Again”. I love this song!! As I listened I found myself laughing to myself. I thought “missed again?….the story of my life” lol.

Like the song I’ve “missed again” many times. Sadly I’ve been divorced for 17 years. In those 17 years I’ve had three relationships. All of which “I missed again” every time. A friend once told me there are three billion men in the world. Surely, the right guy is out there. I googled how many men there are in the world. Google is so smart. They know everything. Can you believe there really are over three billion men in the world?

According to Google and the world’s statistics, there are more men than women in the world today. The United Nations estimates the number of men to approximately 3,776,294,273 while women are estimated to be approximately 3,710,295,643. Approximately, 107 boys are born for every 100 girls born. Aug 24, 2017

If you ask me, the playing field just got interesting. So ladies if you’re feeling down in the dumps tonight. Maybe you find yourself in a crappy relationship. Or worse, you’re either recently single or you’ve been single for quite sometime. Relax! Those failed relationships have just been learning curves preparing us for the perfect guy we have yet to meet and with over three billion super men to choose from….grab yourself a sukiyaki and stop fretting. Of course if you’re like me and can’t drink. How about a little “Taste of Honey”. Their sukiyaki is the next best thing.

https://youtu.be/xqFkUNqBwMw

Relapse 4-11-19

March 4th for the past 17 years has been my sobriety anniversary. Every year I celebrate another year of sobriety. This year I didn’t have that opportunity.

Many of you look up to me for being strong. I often hear I’m an inspiration. I’m extremely embarrassed but today I have to be honest with myself and all of you.

Up until last July I have faced my challenges. Often times white knuckling life and often times on my knees praying for god to grant me the strength to get through another day. Last July I had my breaking point. I gave up on myself, god and life in general. I don’t feel the need to share the personal details of what happened but I will say for me it was the last straw. I picked up a bottle. In the beginning my drinking was occasional but by December my drinking had become my only way of coping with the many challenges that life continues to throw my way. What can I say? I relapsed.

Last fall, I somehow managed to get myself in therapy as well as seeing a psychiatrist. It’s no secret. I am battling chronic PTSD. I also succumbed to agreeing to anti depressants. Still I kept drinking. I wasn’t going out or anything like that. In fact, I have to find the humor in the fact that I spent my evenings like a hermit isolated in my room, watching Hallmark, CNN and even Dr Pimple Popper while drinking a glass, or shall I say, a bottle of wine. I am so embarrassed.

Through the grace of God I recognized my downfall. I picked myself up and got my ass to AA. I was not only honest with myself, but honest with the people I love. I didn’t sugar coat it. I owned it. I have owned it ever since.

Today I’m 30 days sober. It sucks to start all over again after 16 1/2 years but I’m sharing because like anyone in sobriety I’m only human. I’m also sharing because I want everyone including myself to recognize relapse happens. The important thing is to recognize it, own it and start doing the work. I am attending AA four nights per week, celebrate recovery one night per week, I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. I also have a life coach.

I owe myself an apology for letting myself down but more importantly I owe the people I love an apology for letting them down too.

Sobriety is hard work. Especially when life throws you a curve ball. Or in my case one curveball after the next. However sobriety is possible if you want it. I want it! I’ll do anything to stay this way including being honest. I’m not always perfect. But who is? One thing about me that those who know me is if I did it, I’ll admit it. Relapse….I did it and I admit it. I recognize it and I’m doing something about it. Thirty days may not seem like a lot after 16 1/2 years but I did it once and I’ll do it again. Thirty days is only the beginning.

With that said I hope that my honesty helps someone struggling today.

Is it worth worrying what others think of you?

I’m at a point in my life where I don’t care what people think of me anymore. I’ve travelled a hard road the past eight years. I’ve survived and continue to survive.

Aria-Bella Rises

9-Apr-DA-1

Honestly is it worth worrying what others think of you?
 
Funnily enough most people aren’t, it is really all in your mind – wondering if they are noticing etc.
 
Even if they were – most react in a positive way, and if they judge negatively. That is on them not on you!
 
It is time to be like that little child you once where. Carefree and doing whatever you wanted just because you wanted to.
 
It is time to reclaim that part of you. It is always there for you to reach and be. You simply have to dig it out of where you have buried it, dust it off and embrace!
 
The Angels say ” I reclaim my innocent fun where I embraced my fun and quirky side and simply was me”
 
Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

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