Dear Me 11-12-18

Dear Me, (you)

Why is it that you’re everyone else’s greatest cheerleader, but you struggle to pick up the pom poms for yourself?

Don’t you realize that your cheer means more to others when they see you yelling “Yes you can!” for yourself? Only when you’re your own greatest cheerleader can you achieve what you must.

Not hearing that voice within?

YOU CAN DO IT! YES YOU CAN! BE YOUR SWEET SELF’S GREATEST FAN!

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Highs and Lows 11-12-18

I’ve put $3 worth of gas in my tank before and I’ve put $40 in my tank. I’ve had $5 to feed myself and I’ve had $500 to go out to eat. I’ve asked for rides and given rides. I’ve had a house full of food and I’ve been without food. I’ve given people clothes. I’ve been given clothes. I’ve been in stores cashing out with no worries and I’ve also had to add it up and put it back. I’ve paid my rent in full and I’ve had to pay it late too. I’ve given money and I too have had to ask for it. We all have highs and lows in life, some certainly more than others, but we’re all just trying to make it. No one is better than anyone else, and I pity those who think that they are. No matter how big your house is, how new your car is, or how much money sits in your bank account – we all bleed red and will all die someday. Death has no discrimination neither should your life. Be kind to others. And know not everyone has the same heart as you… The people who pretend they love you so much will leave you standing in all the storms just so they can shine…

I Challenge you to copy & paste this! Most people won’t because they’re the person I’m talking about…. But if you are Genuine, Post A Picture of yourself.

Enjoy life! You only get one. ❤️

Life Is A Struggle Sometimes 9-9-18

I’m on my walk this morning. I love taking walks especially outdoors. I love the freedom and the peace that only nature can provide. I pray while I walk. I talk to god, I even yell at him while having a complete bitch fit. I’ve been known to call god the “F” word during my rants among other profanity. I’m not going to pretend I’m a saint by any means.

Being outside alone on my walk is about the only time I can think or vent when I have to. I have no idea if God can hear me. At times I wonder if he even exists but nevertheless, after I’ve made a complete spectacle of myself alone in the wilderness I put my headset on and listen to music. Today’s playlist includes “Little Guitars” by Van Halen. This señorita loves this song! Lol.

These past couple of months have been so draining. I have been so depressed. In July I found out the man I’ve been dating was cheating on me. That was a real blow. Somehow I didn’t see that coming. I battle PTSD and anxiety. This blow only intensified those battles. In addition, I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed with family obligations. One being my mother. That woman drives me insane. She demands so much of me. I’m a people pleaser so I spend my days pleasing everyone, including my mother while failing to please myself.

I’m struggling with insecurities about where I am in life. Last week I drove to Spokane to file bankruptcy. I have to admit, succumbing to accepting I could not dig myself out of the financial hole I’ve found myself in thanks to being sick was another blow. I feel like an absolute failure. I’m better than this or so I keep telling myself. I just can’t seem to find my purpose anymore. Ironically, I drove to my appointment with a ziploc bag full of change to give to any homeless person that might tug on my heart strings. I actually thought to myself “really Velma?! You’re filing bankruptcy but you’re giving away change?! What’s wrong with you?!! ” To add fuel to the Fire September 14th is the anniversary date of the day my life changed forever. It’s the day my dad passed away. I’ve been on an uncontrollable spiral of destruction ever since. I hate September. More importantly, after seven years I’m still heartbroken. I’d give anything to have one more day with my dad. One more phone call. One more joke. He always made me laugh. Losing a parent really sucks!! This is one of the last fun memories I had with my dad, uncle and cousin. We look like thugs but we were all together.

I thought I would share today not for any reason other than it’s my way of saying I get it. I know life can be a struggle sometimes. Some of you might be in the thick of a challenge right now. I post positive affirmations every day on Facebook, Instagram and even on my blog but I want you to know that I struggle every day too. My challenges may not be your challenges but they are challenges nonetheless. I’m sure some days you wonder if god exists. I do too. Everyone does. We are all human. All I know is we can’t give up. None of us can. We have to keep fighting and keep moving forward. Eventually good days come and we look back and realize how far we’ve come. Trust me. I speak the truth because I’ve been there. Have a great day!! 🌹

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolate 8-23-18

“Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates, You Never Know What You’ll Get”.

I have pondered that many times. After much thought and reflection, I have to disagree. While it’s true, life is similar to a box of chocolates you never know what you’ll get, but we’re talking about a box of chocolate!!! Who cares?! Chocolate is delicious! Who doesn’t love chocolate?! Life….Well it’s not always delicious!!

In my opinion life is more like a box of jawbreakers with an occasional box of pop rocks. It’s hard and requires a lot of patience to get to the finish line and enjoy the prize waiting for us. Occasionally, life throws you a curveball causing you to experience an explosion.

My point is while life is a challenge every day, whatever you do, don’t give up. If you don’t, you will most certainly reach the finish line and finally enjoy the prize that’s been waiting there all the time. Waiting for you to claim it!! – Velma Perez Dunkin (fiercefabulousfunny.com)

Worry 6-7-18

I’m a worrier by nature. I worry about everything. Finances, health, relationships and oven worry about the possibility of things that haven’t happened yet. I drive myself insane. For me, once sorry sets in, depression comes, failure, low self esteem and worse I give up.

As of late, I’ve worked diligently on changing this extremely negative attribute. On Monday I met with my oncologist. Recently I found a lump. This lump, however is not on my breast. It’s to the right of my breast on my rib cage. Is it Cancer? Heck if I know. What I do know is on Tuesday I will have an ultra sound. Until then, I’m not going to worry about it.

Yesterday I had a colonoscopy. It’s my third since being diagnosed with pre-colon cancer in 2015. I spent all day Tuesday prepping for the procedure. If you’ve ever had a colonoscopy you can attest the prep is no fun. This time however, I didn’t worry about the outcome. You can’t imagine what a difference not worrying made. My prep was a cake walk as was the procedure. In the end I had three polyps removed as well as a diverticulitis spot removed. They have all been sent in for a biopsy. As for me, I’m not going to worry about it.

My family has been in a very challenging lawsuit since my dads passing. This challenge has brought so much strife in to our life. However, again, I don’t know what the outcome will be. What I do know, I’m not going to worry about it.

My finances are a mess and I face challenges everyday. I’ve spent so much time worrying opposed to spending time finding gratitude in the little things that are positive in my life. Life is short. I don’t know what the future holds for me but what I do know is I’m tired of worrying about it.

This morning the following passages appeared in my life. A reminder that I have nothing to worry about. God is in control. The passage is Matthew 6 28-34

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

If this passage isn’t a reminder to stop worrying then the following song should be. I was in my car this morning and the first song to come on was this great tune by Stevie Wonder. “Don’t you worry about a thing”. Seriously?! I think The Bi Guy is sending me a message.

We all have trials in our life. We all face problems. Some of us more than others. However, if we could just let go and believe in the possibility that everything will work out for our greatest good, Wouldn’t life be easier?! I think so.

When Life Throws You A Curveball 5-28-18

When Life Throws You a Curveball

BY MADISYN TAYLOR

When the unexpected happens, you always have your inner core strength which cannot be taken from you.

In life, we are always setting goals for ourselves and working to make them happen. This gives us focus and ensures that we use our time and energy efficiently and effectively. It also provides us with a sense of purpose and direction. We know where we are going and what we want to do. But quite often, due to forces outside our control, things do not go as we had planned–the flat tire on the way to the wedding, the unforeseen flu virus–and we have to adjust to a postponement or create a whole new set of circumstances. Even positive turns of fortune — an unexpected influx of cash or falling in love — require us to be flexible and to reconsider our plans and priorities, sometimes in the blink of an eye. This is what happens when life throws you a curveball.

The ability to accept what is happening and let go of your original expectations is key when dealing with these unexpected turns of fate. We have a tendency to get stuck in our heads, clinging to an idea of how we think life should go, and we can have a hard time accepting anything that doesn’t comply with that idea. The fact is that life is unpredictable. The trip you thought was for business — and when the deal fell through, you got depressed — actually landed you at the airport two days earlier than planned so you could meet the love of your life. Your car breaks down, and you are late for an appointment. While it’s true that you never arrive at that important meeting, you end up spending a few relaxing hours with people you would never have met otherwise.

In order to keep us awake to opportunity and to teach us equanimity, the universe throws us the occasional curveball. Remember that curve balls are not only life’s way of keeping us awake, which is a gift in and of itself; they are also often life’s way of bringing us wonderful surprises. Next time a curve ball comes your way, take a deep breath, say thank you, and open your mind to a new opportunity.