Autumn completes herself as she fades more and more into the dark and quiet of this last month’s hours. It is the way of all living things…A way of living passes. Sacred traditions mark the change. Some celebrate the everlasting evenscent, while others mark great events that punctuate history. Stars, night, silence, and time become the background for musing and meditation, What moves everything?” we ask. It is a question better answered by wonder than by reason…To know the secret of the night, we learn how to sit with the darks inside us until they yield what someone has called ” the transcending third.”
You suck! January started with hopes of a fun new year. I was super excited. Then March rolled around. Shut downs, pandemics and quarantines have been absolutely draining. I have tried my best to adapt to the situation at hand. I’ve learned many things along the way. I’ve become an office helper. I’ll be honest, office work hasn’t been my gig but I’ve tried my best. I have become a hair colorist, a manicurist and pedicurist and most recently I’ve become a nurse learning to give my mom shots. I’m an errand girl, an Uber Driver and a Gardner. I admit it!!! I suck at it all. My memory loss has caused me to be a horrible office helper. And while I’m awesome at investigating doing nails is not my thing. I sanded my nails with a hand sander and now they won’t grow back. I’m afraid of needles so nursing has been a catastrophe and tonight when I colored my moms hair I quickly realized a hair stylist I am not. My moms neck and face were covered in hair dye. I think she might blow a popsicle stand when she sees herself in the mirror and I have to break the news. “No! These aren’t age spots!” Prayers greatly appreciated. 🙏🏻
Today is June 4th. It’s summer for goodness sakes. I want to travel. I want to go to the beach. I want to do lunch and I want to go dancing! At a club with tons of people. So 2020….Let’s make a deal. Let the hair and nails salons open, let office people return to work and let’s agree to allow the last six months of 2020 to get back to normal. I need a VACA ASAP!!
Today is my sixth month anniversary. Six months ago, I was on my walk. It was Sunday. I was praying that day asking god to intercede in my life and help me to land on my feet again spiritually, emotionally and physically. I was so tired of the anxiety, depression, PTSD, a negative mindset as well as the constant fear and worry that had taken control of my life.
This coming May will be five years that I returned from San Francisco. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve isolated myself in my room ever since. Life happens sometimes. Challenges arise, traumatic experiences happen. Health problems, relationship problems, job loss, finances…..Life as we knew it can change in a New York minute.
That Sunday, I made the decision to take my life back. I won’t bore you with the details. Some things are just meant to stay private. However, I will share I have been working diligently to take control of my mind, body and soul and spirit everyday. The result….I’m happy again. I love life again….and I’m grateful. I have a whole new perspective. I see the blessings in all things even at a time when we are all forced to be in isolation. I’m learning every day to create a better me. You too can create a better you the minute you decide to take control of your life. Good times will happen as will bad. Happy times will happen as will sad. It’s how we choose to react to every situation. Personally, I chose to react poorly.
Six months ago, I chose peace, love, serenity, joy, health, family, but more importantly life! I choose to live my life in a state of gratitude opposed to depression. It’s been six months ago today that I prayed asking God for help. He heard me that day because today is my anniversary and every day I find myself looking forward to the day as well as what the future will be that is right in front me. With any luck, the light that shines in my life will exude and shine brightly on those I encounter everyday. Life is good! It always was. I just failed to recognize it.
(Maui….my favorite place)