Going Salsa 9-28-14

Since being diagnosed with breast cancer my partner has behaved rather aloof towards me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s taken me to all of my chemo appointments but he’s been very distant. In fact, I have felt on many occasions he no longer finds me attractive. Besides the insults, the temper tantrums when it comes to wearing my wig, my partner has gone out of his way to blatantly check out other women when we are out. And not just any women, he is infatuated with young girls in their 20’s. He has gone out of his way to slow down while we are in the car and gawk every time he sees a young woman wearing a short skirt or dress. I’m not going to lie, it has been very hurtful. The other night we were on our way home. There was a young woman in her 20’s getting in her car. She was wearing an extremely short dress. My partner not only slowed down to look, he stopped the car and stared. He must have accidentally taken his foot off the break because the car began to move forward while he was still staring and he nearly hit a pedestrian. I was nothing short of insulted!!!!

Last night on our way home from seeing the Motown Musical, rather than driving home, we kept driving around the block at Union Square. The entire time my partner was slowing down to gawk at all the young girls in their 20’s wearing short dresses. I had finally had enough so when I saw 2 young girls in their 20’s wearing short dresses walking towards us on the sidewalk, I blurted out “here come 2 young girls wearing short dresses! You better look!” My partners blurted out “where?!” When he came to his senses he asked me what I was trying to say. I explained that I felt it was very inappropriate, rude and disrespectful towards me for him to continually be so blatant about checking out other women. Especially young ladies in their 20’s. His response was “I’m not blind and you’ll just have to deal with it!” He didn’t deny it at first however when I asked him how he would feel if I was doing the same, his response took a turn. He began to call me names, he insulted me and even accused me of being a liar and a manipulator. I kept my cool. I didn’t argue. When we got home I explained to my partner that he was free to gawk & lust over whoever he wanted and I was free to voice how I felt about the situation. I explained to him that I found his infatuation w young women in their 20’s to be extremely disgusting. I also felt he exhibited pedephile behaviors and he would be perfect to be on 60 minutes. I explained that if a 68 year old dirty old man was lusting over my 21 year old daughter I would literally kick his ass!! As usual, he tried to manipulate the situation and blame me. He insulted me repeatedly. He even accused me of being a pedephile! Of course my response was “that’s highly impossible since unlike you I don’t spend my time lusting over young boys in their 20’s!” I laughed at him. The whole time I kept my cool and did not allow him to get the best of me. I was a cool cat. I didn’t let anything he threw at me to get the best of me. I stood up for myself and for every parent with a 21 year old daughter who should be protected from the likes of any dirty old man. My partner was furious that he could not break me.

This morning I woke up and thought I’d give him a taste of his own medicine. I put on my short salsa dress and slipped on a pair of high heels. When he woke up I greeted him with nothing but sugar and love. A feeling that was certainly not reciprocated. He began to argue with me and call me names. He accused me of “playing with his head “. Are you serious, dude?!!! I laughed at him and said “get over it! Quit being a drama queen!!!” He accused me of lying about the situation. I responded “you admitted it so in what way am I liar?” Grumpy was in full force. I remained cool and continued to be sweeter than sugar. He didn’t get very far so finally he stormed out of the house. He was gone for over 2 hours. When he returned he started in on me again. At this point I’m laughing. I continued to act nice. He told me that from now on I would just have to accept him looking at other woman. I looked at him and replied “that’s fine. But as long as you’re gawking at other girls I’ll be wearing short dresses, just the way you like it to give other men a reason to gawk at me!” Clearly he was spitting bullets. He told me to go downstairs the way I was dressed so men could look at me. I seized the opportunity to be a smart ass and replied “no, I’m not in the mood. I’m actually going to wait until mass tonight and go dressed like this so the men can gawk at me there”. He was furious saying “that’s just great. You’re going to mass dressed like that?!” I responded “yes. What’s the big deal?! I’m dressed just how you like it!” He walked in to the living room and threw himself on the couch.

I have spent the entire day dressed like I’m on my way to a salsa club. I have to admit, I don’t feel comfortable. My feet are killing me but I’m determined to make a point. I’ve continued to be sweet going as far as making my guy a sandwich. For the next few days I’m going to wear short skirts, high heels and this ridiculous wig. I know it’s driving him insane but I don’t care!! After all, why should I? He clearly has no regard for me so I will dress like a salsa dancer every where we go. That includes Safeway, costco and even my doctors appointments. I may not be 20 something anymore. I may not be that sexy hot chick anymore but I’ll say this. I still have class and a little bit of respect left. I’ve been through hell and back for the past few months and while I’m tired, haggard and no longer sexy, I still deserve respect. We all do!!!! And as far as I’m concerned he can kiss my ass!! Lol

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Stick This In Your Fuse Box

I love AC/DC! I’m 48 years old but I’m proud to say they are still my all time favorite rock bands. If you graduated in 1984 like me you can relate. AC/DC was a staple cassette playing in your car playing every weekend on your way to a party!!! AC/DC still has a way with bringing out that feisty, free spirit I was when I was in high school every time I listen to their music.

I’ve been in a relationship with an older man. He’s 68. Ladies, if you’re my age and you still have that feisty spirit in you, my suggestion is do not get involved with an older man. It can really drain your spirit. And the worse part is, in my experience Listening to AC/DC is not at the top of their list. Hmmm it will be interesting to see how long this relationship will last. Again…..don’t do it!!!

I live in the city. I’ve been told the population in San Francisco is over 700,000 people. And from what I understand the population can reach a million during the work week. Yesterday I took my daily walk. It was a rather warm day so I thought “what the heck!” I took my hat off and exposed my lovely “chemo” head. I figured I’d try to get some sun and I have to be honest my head was sweating. It felt so good to air out my egg head as I walked outside. When I got home, the first thing my partner asked was “Where’s your hat?” He had this look of disbelief on his face. I replied “pardon me?” “Where’s your hat? Why were you walking around looking like that?” I looked at him and said “it’s in my pocket! I thought I’d tan my head!” (I mean really, who cares? I highly doubt a million people were going to notice or care.) Unfortunately, my partner didn’t agree. In fact, he had a slight bitch fit. I didn’t care. I just brushed him off and walked away. This morning when I got back from the gym I was greeted by “grumpy”. At this point I’m beginning to feel like saying something rude or worse throwing my Harley Boots at him but I took the high road. The building I live at was hosting a BBQ and luau pool party complete with food, drinks and a live Polynesian band. I asked my partner if he’d like to go with me. He of course said no. I knew he was embarrassed of me. Any one reading this who has either gone through chemo or is going through it right now, not all of you but some of you, can relate that our physical changes can quickly put a damper on our relationship. Some men are just so vain and caddy that it’s hard for them to view us as the “hot babes” we were pre cancer. It sucks but as I fight this disease I find myself developing a thick skin and not really caring anymore. My dad always used to say. “Velma, men are like greyhound busses. There’s always another one at the next stop, going the same place for the same fare!” Then he’d hand me a 100 dollar bill and tell me to go buy myself something pretty. As I go through this journey I find myself thinking about my dads words and think to myself “if this guy can’t see you as the beautiful person you are inside, then it’s his loss!” He’s just another greyhound bus than can be easily replaced down the road when I beat this.

Fighting cancer can be challenging. However, the positive for me is as I travel this journey I find myself becoming a much stronger woman. I’m not as worried about what others think of me, especially a boyfriend. I don’t like the person I see in the mirror but it is what it is. I can’t change it. I don’t even remember what the pretty girl I was looked like anymore. More importantly before anyone judges me based on my appearance, they need to take a walk in my shoes. Fighting cancer is a bitch!!! After my 3rd treatment, my partner got us tickets to go watch my beloved Giants play baseball. It was a baseball game so I thought I’d bypass the wig and wear a hat. I had to laugh when my partner threw himself on the couch and refused to move until I put my wig on. Seriously?! What is he 2?!!! Well I put the wig on. But I’m happy to report that as I’m further in to my treatment all of the insults don’t faze me anymore. In fact, I’m fighting back with some of my quick wit, smart ass comments that I’ve been known for. Something I had lost these past 2 years. Today however I decided to keep my mouth shut and do something better. I suppose the sight of “grumpy” finally send me over the edge. So today after he said no to joining me at the pool party I walked into the bathroom to take a shower. I left the door open and turned on my favorite AC/DC playlist and played it super loud. I took my time in the bathroom to ensure I send my guy over the edge. He’s a dinosaur remember? Rock music doesn’t sit well with him. After I got ready I decided to wear what he hates the most, my favorite pair of Gap Boyfriend jeans, (he hates when I wear them but lucky for him I didn’t wear the ones with holes), I slipped on a black top, a flowey sweater, I wrapped my favorite Harley Davidson bandana around my chemo head and topped it off with a black “sleep” hat. Then I rolled out my cutest sandals so I could expose my unpolished toes (polish is NOT recommended while going through chemo) and I walked out and went to the pool. But before I walked out I made sure to be listening to “Live Wire” (cuz I’m a live wire) and I sang really loud in the bathroom. My favorite part……stick this in your fuze box! Lol. I went to the pool party and had a great time. I hob nobbed with all of the neighbors. Then I walked to my acupuncture appointment looking like this. I’m including a photo and if you ask me, I think I look cute!! Lol. In other words. “Stick this in your fuze box Mr Caddy Old As Dirt Greyhound bus boyfriend!”

I copied the links to 2 of my favorite AC/DC songs for anyone who is fighting cancer and reading this. The next time your guy behaves a little caddy, put your big girl pants on and fight back while rocking out to only the best rock band ever. You’ll be surprised at the courage a little AC/DC will give you.

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Snow White & The 7 Dwarfs 9-10-14

Relationships are hard. Whether you’re married, dating or cohabiting, It’s not only hard it’s a lot of work. Some days are good while others are bad. Even if you’re in a relationship with your soul mate, you can bet that there will be days when you don’t get along or worse! You don’t like each other.

Men always complain about a woman’s mood swings. They attribute our moody behavior to “that time of the month”. It always makes me chuckle when I hear that. The reality is we are moody not because it’s “that time of the month” but hello!!! Men have mood swings too!! At times they are grumpy, happy, sleepy, bashful, sneezy, dopey and on a occasion you may find your partner becomes. “Doc”.
Sound familiar?!!

Well ladies, I’ve come to the conclusion we aren’t moody after all. No Siree!!! The fact is, there’s a name for this. It’s called Snow White and the seven Dwarfs!!! And, you’re in a relationship with either one or all of them!!!! I’ve been in a few relationships in my life time. I’ve been with them all. Grumpy , Happy…..heck I’ve even added a few to the list. Asshole. Jerk and Arrogant. I can attest that in every relationship, I could count on one of the dwarfs emerging once or twice. Then blaming “my time of the month!” However, I never dreamed I’d hit the jackpot and find a guy with all seven dwarfs hiding inside of him! Lucky me and lucky you because if in the back of your mind you’re wondering if you are experiencing the “Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs” relationship, I’ve taken notes and I’m about to reveal them to you. Now keep in mind, I am not a professional. These tips are strictly based on personal experience.

Doc – Doc is the guy who is glued to the TV Monday – Friday at 4:00 when the Dr Oz show comes on. He records every episode and can easily win an award for being Dr Oz’s biggest fan! He usually wears 2 hats. Doc & Happy.

Sneezy – Sneezy emerges when you wear a fragrance you know he’s allergic too after he’s been “Grumpy”.

Sleepy – Sleepy is the guy who stays in bed until 2 pm. He’s very sleepy from being up all night watching TV. He’s also the guy who still takes a nap after over 12 hours of sleeping.

Bashful – Bashful is the guy who is shy when it comes to going to a hair salon. He’s so “Bashful” he insists on cutting his own hair. The positive of Bashful is your guy occasionally looks just like a very important TV personality in your life. Captain Kangaroo!!!

Dopey – Dopey is the guy when confronted about something you know is true, he immediately throws on the “Dopey” hat and acts dumb!!

Grumpy – I don’t like Grumpy. He’s mean!! I don’t like meanies. Grumpy can be described as a real buzz kill. A real Debbie Downer and/or on occasion very insulting. When Grumpy emerges, meditate or take a walk before you have a “mood swing” and want to throw a shoe at him!!!

Happy – Happy is the guy that smiles and showers you with love and affection. He’s a real blast to be around and so much fun. He laughs at all of your jokes!!

After experiencing all 7 dwarfs, I’ve come to the conclusion that “happy” is my favorite. I can do without the others. If you find yourself dealing with all 7 at the same time…it means you’ve landed a guy with multiple personalities so my personal advice is….RUN and don’t look back!!!!

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Intuition 9-7-14

I looked up the word intuition today. The meaning is as follows:

in·tu·i·tion
ˌint(y)o͞oˈiSHən/
noun
the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.
“we shall allow our intuition to guide us”
synonyms: instinct, intuitiveness; More
a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.
plural noun: intuitions
“your insights and intuitions as a native speaker are positively sought”
synonyms: hunch, feeling (in one’s bones), inkling, (sneaking) suspicion, idea, sense, notion;

I chose this topic because many times as women we find ourselves in situations where we have this gut feeling something is amiss. Quite often it occurs in our relationships with others. Maybe a husband or a partner. We get this hunch or gut feeling that’s so strong it begins to drive us insane. It makes us crazy. The signs are all there but the proof isn’t. What happens next is nothing short of a nightmare. I’ve always heard that women have been blessed with an intuitive spirit. We all have it. For instance, as mothers we can sense when our kids are in trouble even though they’re miles away. We know when they’re happy and we know when they’re sad. We can feel it deep down in our gut. As women and or mothers we have the ability to read between the lines. However, at times as wives or girlfriends, despite having that strong intuitive hunch about something, occasionally we disregard it as “craziness” or after listening to the excuses or justifications of the other party we begin to believe we really are nuts. Even then, that feeling is there, it doesn’t go away and eventually it grows until finally we find that we have lost our identity by becoming consumed with that “hunch” that deep down we already knew was the truth. It isn’t until later when the proof is in the pudding that the flood gates open and looking back we can honestly feel that we knew it all along, we just chose to not see it. The signs were there. They were like billboards at every stop, but yet we closed our eyes to the hunch. It’s at that time everything makes sense and we realize we weren’t crazy after all. It’s also at that time that we wish we could go back to the beginning and address that hunch with the same tenacity we would’ve, had it involved one of our kids. However, the truth is the proof was always there. It was provided to us time and time again. The floodgates finally opened when we reached a point that we were strong enough to finally handle the truth.

I’ve heard many stories of women who have experienced this one or more times in their life. I’m no exception. The past two years I myself have experienced an intuitive feeling about a particular situation. It has consumed me and has turned my life upside down. Once upon a time, I was a strong, confident and an extremely funny and outgoing woman. Today I feel beaten down and now I’m fighting cancer. A wise woman once told me “Velma, everything always comes out in the wash”. She was right.

My life has always been an open book. I have always shared the ups and the downs of my life. Today is no different. I share the trials of my life not because I am looking for sympathy or attention, rather because if I can help others to avoid making the same mistakes, then to me it’s all worth it. As the weeks go by I will undoubtedly be sharing my latest setback. Heck I have 2 years of journals to refer to, but I have no intentions of beginning the saga today. I will only encourage each and every woman to act on any hunch. If it stinks, there’s a reason for it. Don’t back down and never allow someone to make you feel like you’re crazy. More often than not, your hunch hit the tail on the donkey. Remember as woman we are always smarter and more intuitive than we know. Don’t give up!

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