Relationship Tips 5-5-19

If you find yourself resonating with any of the following tips, do yourself a favor….run!!!

Your guy lies to you and then tries to minimize it by saying “it wasn’t actually a lie. More like a white lie. “I told a white lie to protect our relationship.” There’s four words for this. He’s full of shit!

Your guy cheats on you. When you find out he somehow finds a way to blame you for his infidelity causing you to stay and worse feel guilty for his transgression.

Your guy calls you names including bitch, psycho, the “C” word. In short, any derogatory word or insult. He brings you down and causes you to feel so insecure and worthless.

He yells at you, throws iPads across the room, becomes extremely volatile and hostile for no reason then demands space. Even telling you you’re not allowed to call for 24 hours because he needs “space”. He needs space because he’s cheating.

Sends pictures of his private parts to other women. You find the messages then he denies it even though you show him the proof.

He Blames and shames you. He is never accountable for his actions.

You find hidden comments on his Facebook page from other women

Manipulates you to the point you question your sanity.

He tells you he needs a woman with money. He’s broke and struggles to pay the rent. Therefore he needs a woman with money so they can pull their resources together. This one is my favorite. He’s a user and a loser!!

He tells you he needs to “drift” to connect with his spirit guide. The Wolf. He claims to be spiritual yet his spirituality leaves you scratching your head.

The universe brought you together. You are soul mates destined to be with each other. Which is why he begins demanding marriage only one month after connecting with you on Facebook and by phone yet you’ve never met each other.

He proposes to you on his knees with a mood ring he bought at a convenience store two days after you find out he’s cheating then becomes angry when you say no.

He sends you this message after leading you to believe the universe brought you together as soul mates to spend your life together.

“Yes we were destined to be together but not necessarily as a couple we were destined to be together because there was work to be done and my work was to show you the way and then you know we got involved and the universe pulled me away (he was cheating) in another direction to help someone else and it’s gonna pull me again. It is what has happened my entire life. I’ve sat in the darkness in my cave at my house for a year and I can’t do that anymore I have to be able to get out and do his work and you know you can’t handle the fact that I am going to be called to other people both men and female and that is the issue and that is what I’m being told now and so that is why everything happened”

When he tells you this…bolt! He’s completely full of crap!!

He tells you he spent the weekend crying in bed after you tell him you need to respect yourself and walk away. Then you see a post from another woman referring to him As a “Wild” man. You confront him and learn he was at a channeling/chanting ritual playing a drum to release all the pain. He apparently became wild. Again…run. It’s shear bologna.

You get this message after confronting him asking “are you seeing someone?”

“Oh my God when do I have time to get into another relationship I’m talking about the work that I’m here to do. The channeling the healing whatever it is it varies it depends all the time. You really never took the time to understand my powers you have only criticized me for having them and doubted them and laughed at them. I channel shit to you all the time and ANN (I didn’t know about Ann. Surprise) come in for me it’s coming from above. But of course you don’t believe that so I don’t know what’s coming, all I know is it’s time for me to get back on my path and be and do what I was put on this planet to do so I don’t have to relive this again. (He believes he’s led many lives. I think he’s a cat) This has been one of the hardest lives I could ever imagine anyone him to leave the things that have gone through the people that have lost the things that of happened to me personally and it’s time for me to step up and do what I’m supposed to do I’m sorry I even mentioned it you can’t handle what what the truth is you can’t handle the truth”

Yup after reading a message like this please know you’re not crazy. He is.

He minimizes all of his actions and always finds a way to blame you and of course his loneliness.

He accuses you of abandoning him.

His only request is you make him your number one priority. Him first, god second and then family.

He believes he was brought to you by the universe to heal you. Yet you relapse after 16 1/2 years and find yourself in crisis counseling. If that’s healing RUN!!!

He’s a powerful spirit, channeler and healer. A professed empath. He knows what you’re thinking, what you’re going to say and can feel you seconds before you call. So he says. Of course what he channels isn’t remotely close to what you’re thinking or were about to say. Here’s an example of a message I received.

“I just deliver the message I’m simply a channeler not a healer The Individual has to determine what to do with the message. Its that simple. I’m not God and only God can heal but we can heal ourselves through prayer and meditation”

My guy insisted the spirits told him we were destined to be together then when he found a new victim the story changed. I challenged him saying “obviously either your spirit guides lied or you did after he sent me the following message. If this isn’t a red flag I don’t know what is.

“Yes I believed that but in what context clearly it was not as a couple. Sadly that is the current truth” this message after I called him out for leading me to believe the universe brought us together. It was our destiny. The truth is he was cheating.

He needs passion and touch. If you don’t give it to him he will find someone to give it to him. Be prepared to be blamed for his infidelity.

He yells profanity at all drivers when driving in his car. One might refer to his behavior as Road Rage.

He is depressed one day, lonely the next and it’s all your fault.

He gets scammed on the internet. Yup…you guessed it. It’s your fault!

He never lets you talk. He dominates the phone call, arguments, conversation. He never listens and when he’s done he hangs up on you or walks away leaving you hanging because you never had the chance to get in a word in edgewise.

He ignores you and makes you feel less than.

If you call him he becomes irritable because your call is inconvenient.

If you ask about his day he takes offense and becomes defensive. You’re “bird dogging” him.

He really believes he’s god. He will claim god is working through him. He might say the Holy Spirit.

He tells you he has no respect for you then says you misunderstood. What part of “I have no respect for you” did I not understand?! Listen if he can’t respect you then you must have the courage to respect yourself and give this guy the boot!!

He says things that are so hurtful then accuses you of taking his words the wrong way. He simply said those things out of anger. It’s your fault for making him angry.

My favorite. I never said that. You’re psycho. You prove it and he still denies it.

He does or says one thing then denies it. This behavior causes you to question your sanity.

If you find yourself feeling nuts. Dreading answering the phone for fear of who will be on the other end. Doctor Love or Doctor Jekyl you’re in a relationship with one messed up guy who you’ve allowed to mess you up!!

He tells you you are possessed by the evil spirit living in your basement. Which includes an open portal where the evil Spirits come and go to possess you. Do not question him. He’s a very powerful force who is simply channeling the message from the spirits. His remedy is quite often move out of your home. Leave everything behind. Marry him and live with him. He will take really good care of you. Hmm I’ll bet! If you haven’t lost your mind you will certainly end up like a character in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.”

These are just a few red flags based on my experience. I’m sharing because I have found myself insane to the point I lost my dignity, self respect and ability to have a clear mind. There’s a term for men like this. Gas-lighters. If you find yourself resonating with any of these red flags….run and don’t look back. If you have other red flags and you would like to add please share them on the comment line. It’s important to share our stories with others. There are so many victims out there going through the same. It’s up to us and when I say us, I mean both men and women. Yes men find themselves as victims too!!

I received a lengthy email not long ago from a reader. She wrote a very lovely letter. What stood out to me was the following quote.

“You teach people how to treat you – by putting up with it you are teaching this man that it’s okay to do this to you – it’s not! Ask yourself, what would you tell a close friend going through the same trauma?”

These words really hit home. I’m guilty of allowing myself to be treated badly. No more!! No one has the right to treat us like crap. Each and everyone of us deserves better. I’m attaching the reply from a woman after I voiced my pain and concerns over the relationship I found myself in. I hope it resonates and hits home with anyone suffering like it did for me. With that said, I’m not a therapist. I’m simply a blogger sharing my personal experience.

Response from one of my readers below after one of my Facebook posts in a private group.

“I’m reading this and feel so sad, but I also feel resolved for you. You have voiced your fear now it’s time to let it go and gather courage and get the heck out of there. I have had to do this myself, so I know.

Go no contact. Block all methods of contact. Change your addresses, phone numbers, whatever you need to do. Find strength and courage in taking care of yourself first. Move if you have to. Get out of the way and stay out of the way. Surround yourself with people you know you can trust and if for now that’s only your therapist lean on her/him. Call on your need for self-preservation and just do it. To overcome fear we must rely on our strength, and no matter what he has said to you about you it is not you. It is him. Ignore him and move on.

My grandmother has a similar story I’m writing a novel around. It’s about her escape from a toxic 27 year marriage (in the 60s) and is a story of female empowerment following years of domestic oppression. Her courage blows me away, but it was her desperation to get away that drove her. If she can do it, so can you.

Holding space for you. ❤️

You teach people how to treat you – by putting up with it you are teaching this man that it’s okay to do this to you – it’s not! Ask yourself, what would you tell a close friend going through the same trauma?

You are not to blame for his actions. All of the blame here lies squarely on his shoulders. You are not to blame for being scared. He is to blame for placing you in a situation where you are scared. You are not nuts. I have been in an abusive relationship in my past. I did not deserve to be abused. You do not deserve to be treated the way he treats you. You are innocent. You are guilty of nothing. He is to blame for intimidating you, for deliberately treating you in such a way that you feel badly about yourself. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You are a good person. That is so obvious to me. You’re scared, and rightly so. I’m pretty sure I would be. I feel that being treated badly in the way that you are being treated, especially over a long period of time, would erode your self confidence and interfere with your ability to act. I think it would mine. It took great courage for you to reach out to us in the way that you have. I for one, am so glad that you did. I know that I am not alone in this. Again and again I see people here coming from that caring place as they share and encourage each other. And please, please, get the counseling you need. You will get through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel.”

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Something Wonderful Is About To Happen #2 5-3-19

The last 24 hours have been rather challenging for me. In truth, there’s a part of my heart that’s broken. However, I’ve been praying really hard for strength and healing. Sometimes life throws us curveballs that aren’t necessarily comfortable. Despite it all we still have to keep moving.

Tonight I was on my way home from a meeting. I looked toward the Cascade Mountains and found myself in awe when I saw this beautiful sunset. It reminded me of the words Father Michael once told during one of his homilies at St Dominic’s in San Francisco.

Father Michael shared that when things in our life aren’t going as planned it’s important to remind ourselves “Something Wonderful Is About To Happen”. As I looked at this sunset and took these photos those words that I have held close to my heart for several years came to mind reminding me “Something Wonderful Is About To Happen”. I can’t say for sure that something wonderful is about to happen but what I do know is God really does exist. Maybe this sunset that took my breath away was just a reminder that no matter the circumstances he’s with me and everything is going to be ok. I hope so any way

https://fiercefabulousfunny.com/2015/07/20/something-wonderful-is-going-to-happen-7-20-15/

Coming Back To Center 5-1-19

Coming Back to Center in a Relationship

BY MADISYN TAYLOR

In a long-term relationship, it is often necessary to get back to basics and come back to center with each other.

Anyone in a long-term relationship knows that the dance of intimacy involves coming together and moving apart. Early in a relationship, intense periods of closeness are important in order to establish the ground of a new union. Just as a sapling needs a lot more attention than a full-grown tree, budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root. Once they become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again, to the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy. Yet, if a long-term relationship is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturance of earlier times, is essential.

In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves. We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and care if they are to thrive.

One of the best ways to nourish a relationship is through communication. If you feel that a distance has grown between you and your partner, you may be able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. Do your best to avoid blame and regret. Focus instead on the positive, which is the fact that you want to grow closer together. Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between you has the effect of bringing the relationship into balance. In other cases, more intense effort and attention may be required. You may want to set aside time to talk and come up with solutions together. Remember to have compassion for each other. You’re in the same boat together and trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. Express faith and confidence in each other, and enjoy the slow dance of intimacy that can resume between the two of you.

A real Man Never Hurts A Woman 4-19-19

This is so true. I’ll never forget when I was in San Francisco. My ex had been so awful. To the point I cried profusely. I left the house and went to my church and prayed at the altar. On the way home I was angry at God. Even yelling at him. I stopped at a convenience store before going back home. As I walked in, an older man walked in behind me. As we walked towards the back he suddenly said “I want you to know God heard you tonight”. I looked at him and said “excuse me”. He said “God saw who hurt you tonight and made you cry. He wants you to know he will deal with him but he also wants you to know he has a plan for you. Everything is going to be alright”. I was so taken aback. He told me God had a plan for me. He said don’t worry about the person who hurt you. God will deal with him but as for you he has a plan and everything is going to be ok. I began to cry. This stranger put one arm around me and raised his other arm in the air and said “St Catherine of Sienna I ask you to intercede for this woman tonight. May you offer her the same gift you offered me years ago!” I looked at him and asked “Are you Catholic?” He answered “we are all Catholic”. He went on to share a story when he was in Europe and was down and out. He prayed even praying to St. Catherine of Sienna asking her to pray for him. A miracle happened. He prayed that I too would receive the same gift of a miracle he received that time.

Now you might wonder who this man was. I have no idea. He was just a business man who was lost in the city. He had google map on his iPad and wanted to ask the store clerk questions. Before he left he said “I’m so glad I walked in here tonight. God bless you.” He walked out and got in to his Mercedes and drove away.

I probably will never forget this night. They say God speaks to you through people. I have always been grateful he spoke to me through a stranger that night.

Missed Again 4-14-19

I was on my way home listening to Sirius radio in my car. I love the 80’s station among the 70’s, Motown and jazz. Today I was listening to the 80’s channel. What can I say? I still love the 80’s. Mark Goodman, the announcer on the radio was telling the story of Phil Collins album after his divorce before he played a song from Phil Collins. One of the songs he wrote on his divorce album was “Missed Again”. I love this song!! As I listened I found myself laughing to myself. I thought “missed again?….the story of my life” lol.

Like the song I’ve “missed again” many times. Sadly I’ve been divorced for 17 years. In those 17 years I’ve had three relationships. All of which “I missed again” every time. A friend once told me there are three billion men in the world. Surely, the right guy is out there. I googled how many men there are in the world. Google is so smart. They know everything. Can you believe there really are over three billion men in the world?

According to Google and the world’s statistics, there are more men than women in the world today. The United Nations estimates the number of men to approximately 3,776,294,273 while women are estimated to be approximately 3,710,295,643. Approximately, 107 boys are born for every 100 girls born. Aug 24, 2017

If you ask me, the playing field just got interesting. So ladies if you’re feeling down in the dumps tonight. Maybe you find yourself in a crappy relationship. Or worse, you’re either recently single or you’ve been single for quite sometime. Relax! Those failed relationships have just been learning curves preparing us for the perfect guy we have yet to meet and with over three billion super men to choose from….grab yourself a sukiyaki and stop fretting. Of course if you’re like me and can’t drink. How about a little “Taste of Honey”. Their sukiyaki is the next best thing.

https://youtu.be/xqFkUNqBwMw

The All The Time Guy 4-2-19

A friend from Brazil shared this with me a few years ago. She said in Brazil there’s a sayin’ about men. There are 3 types of men. The good time men. The bed time men and the all the time men.

The good time man is the man who is with you through the good times. And I mean the good times only.

The bed time man is just that. A bed time guy. Only there for one reason and one reason only. My friend would say the bed time men can be found at every street corner.

Then there’s the all of the time man. He’s the guy who’s there with you in the good times, the bad times, the down times and the up times.

My friend would say in Brazil women have these three choices. They can choose the man who’s only there in the good times. Bales on you in the bad. They can choose the man who’s only there in the bed times. Of course you can find a bed time guy on every street corner. The safe bet is to chose the all the time man. He’s the guy who will be there for you in sickness and in health. He will be by your side in the good times and the bad times. He will love you unconditionally forever and always. My friend would say “I don’t know about you but I choose the all the time man”.

I think about my friend sometimes and find myself grateful for her Brazilian words of wisdom. I have a friend experiencing some stuff in her life. As I listened to her story my Brazilian friends words of wisdom came to my mind. My dad used to say “men are like greyhound busses. There’s always another one at the next stop”. I’ve always loved my dads analogy but somehow my friends words of wisdom make more sense.

Life After Gaslight 5-19-18

Meet “Ron”. “Ron” was a 68 year old retired San Francisco firefighter. He is also my ex-boyfriend. I met “Ron” in 2012. At first, I was apprehensive about him but he was persistent in his pursuit to capture my heart. He showered me with compliments and gifts. He called me cutie pie, baby and would constantly tell me how “fine” I was. He uttered the words “I love you” after knowing me for only a month. I recall thinking his infatuation was too good to be true, but his words also came with his promises of a wonderful life filled with travel, love and affection. He was so sweet, after only a few months he swept me off my feet.  Unfortunately, I quickly learned that this was merely a facade with words he said to all the women he manipulated. “Cutie pie”, “baby”, “fine” and “I love you” was something he had said to all the girls.

Looking back there were a mine field of red flags, however “Ron” had a way with showering me with such kindness in the beginning that it was easy to overlook the flaws. And when I say flaws, I mean some serious issues that no woman should have to deal with ever in their life.

My experience is not unique.
“Ron” is a good guy. I think he has a good side to him. He’s been married twice like most people in America. Both divorces ended due to his infidelity.  He was the cheater but “it wasn’t his fault” or so he claimed. Red flag number one. He was also in a long term relationship with a woman who he referred to as “Mo”. I think because she brought so much havoc and “mo” trouble in to everyone’s life than one can imagine. She certainly brought trouble in to my life.  In her defense, “Ron” brought the insanity out in her. I later found her story with “Ron” was nothing short of tragic. Worse was what he did to his first wife. Sadly she was one of the sweetest women I ever met and in my opinion did not deserve what he did to her.  No woman deserves the kind of treatment myself and I’m sure many others have endured.

“Ron’s” past consisted of drunken behavior. He was an alcoholic/addict who had arrests for driving under the influence under his belt.  He stopped drinking while we were together after humiliating me with his drunken behavior. He also had an infatuation with young women in their twenties and was known to engage in sexual acts with many prostitutes. I later learned he had been on house arrest for engaging in these acts. Of course, I can’t say for sure since this was merely hear say.

“Ron” had a volatile temper and exhibited many mood swings that were enough to turn a sane person in to a psychotic nut. I should know. After three years with this man, I lost my confidence, my self esteem, my self respect, my identity and I felt like I was losing my mind. I really believed I might be crazy. My biggest regret….I only wish I had known these things before I allowed this man to capture my heart.

“Ron” was a pack rat. He had junk all over his condo, which was located in a well to do area of San Francisco. You would have never known it. His condo belonged on an episode of Hoarders. He had so much clutter and he even had old plastic bottles filled with water all over the place. Maybe it was his age.

Two years after I moved in with him he finally opened a carton of lemonade that had been in the refrigerator and had an expiration date of 2010. It had been expired for four years yet he refused to throw it out insisting it was still good. The lemonade was so spoiled when he finally opened the carton to have a glass, he had no choice but to throw it out. What a surprise. Mind you he had vilified me for wanting to throw it the year prior.

“Ron” had odd sleeping habits. He was up all night and slept all day. When I say all day….I mean all day. Often times “Ron” would arise from his slumber at six in the afternoon. Two or three was early for him. He also liked to conserve water. He was a dedicated California resident who only bathed once a month and always on a Thursday. I firmly believe he deserved accolades for being the most conservative California resident during a drought. However, if you ask me he should’ve opened up one of his plastic bottles of old tap water and taken a bath.

At times he had white crust around his ears that was creamy and had the appearance of cradle cap.  At times he smelled so bad I would want to vomit. His solution was wipes (he was the poster child for cottonelle wipes) and he would also use lots of cologne. I often wondered if he was European but was inclined to believe he might be crazy. He led me to believe he was suffering from dementia. In my experience when “Ron” would shower it was His cue for wanting to be intimate.


   “Ron” was wonderful in the beginning. He took me on trips, showered me with gifts,  he catered to my every whim and treated me like a queen. He always held my hand and opened my door.  But that stopped and he would throw the door in my face. He portrayed himself as a family man. An attribute that was merely a facade. He was also lots of fun.  We went dancing and even took salsa lessons. He would hum in my ear every time we danced. He was a terrible salsa dancer but no worries….he would always blame me for his shortcoming and would become extremely verbally abusive.

All his positive attributes stopped three months after moving in with him. That’s when the “real” “Ron” emerged. The trouble only got worse when a his 27 year old Latina Stripper “friend” continued to call and text at all hours of the day including when we were on vacation. Harassment that continued the entire duration of our relationship. “Ron” also began to withhold any contact with me intimately. We went from having an active intimate life to a periodic one, provided it was on his terms. “Ron” had a penile implant. I suspect many of his issues might have stemmed from this creating his own insecurities however, I’ll never know. I will share that on occasion I would wake up in the middle of the night and catch him naked in the bathroom engaging in questionable acts or even plucking his pubic hairs. I found myself in such disbelief that I would run back to bed and keep quiet.

“Ron” did crazy things such as pluck his facial hair while watching tv. He often had a scowl on his face and would pluck to the point he would cause sores on his face. He would often file his feet over the couch. This odd behavior caused me to believe either he was crazy but he convinced me I was crazy for thinking this behavior was odd.

He was very private about everything. He caused me to believe he had many secrets. Especially, since I wasn’t allowed to ask him even simple questions like “how was your day?” I wasn’t allowed to say “have a great day” and God forbid I wasn’t allowed to express how he made me feel. I wasn’t allowed to ask any questions….period!!!  He would explode and punish me  for days calling me names, accusing me of being suspicious and rejecting me to the point I couldn’t breathe. I would cry for days. Rejection can cause so much pain and anguish.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I got zero emotional support from “Ron”. He was extremely un-empathetic and lacked any ounce of compassion. He would insult me and make me feel so bad about myself that more often than not I found myself in the bathroom on my knees crying from the pain this man would cause. Somehow in the midst of it all he managed to blame me for his behavior and would punish me for days by ignoring me and giving me the silent treatment. In my experience, I’m not sure what was worse, chemo or “Ron”. This man made fighting cancer the hardest journey of my entire life.

I posted the following post on Facebook after my first treatment.  The following five treatments were not much different.  In the end he admitted he had treated me poorly because I was no longer attractive. In my defense, when you’re in a fight against cancer, it’s rather hard to remain the beautiful person you once were. Hair loss doesn’t help.  I take solace in knowing God is a just God and my abuser will get his in the end.


    

Ron showered me with love, trips, gifts, fancy dinners, compliments, concerts…..everything and anything. It was short lived and it came at a very painful price. I now know that this is not just my experience, it’s been the experience of many women who have found themselves involved with their “Ron”. While my story may seem tragic I know I’m Not alone. There are many “Ron’s” out there and I feel they dont deserve to have any women in their life. In fact, they should be locked up and throw away the key.

If you happen to be approached by any man who exhibits any of these behaviors, my advice is run and never look back. Do not make the same mistake that I made getting involved with a man like this. It’s hard to get away once he’s got you under his spell.  I can assure you the life you have today will be no more. Happiness, joy, self respect, confidence and love for yourself will be a thing of the past. You will find yourself questioning your own sanity, when clearly the one with the mental issues is your knight in shining armor. However, if you don’t heed my advice and find yourself in a crazy relationship I will warn you..don’t bother reaching out to anyone because no one will believe you. “Ron” had two personalities. The one I dealt with at home and the other who was sweet and loving around his friends. Friends, family, doctors and church begged me to leave him but I resisted their warnings hopeful for the man I initially met to return.  Finally one day, I snapped and saw this man for he really was. I was heartbroken, humiliated and felt like there’s no way out.

On May 16th, 2015 with the help of the Deacon and sisters from my church, I packed up and left this emotionally abusive man. I left this relationship with a broken heart along with a diagnosis of anxiety, severe depression and PTSD caused from this crazy relationship. You might ask “PTSD?!” It’s a result of the war zone I found myself in. The sad part is  I really cared for this man.

Healing from this relationship has taken three years. Counseling was inevitable and it’s taken a lot of strength and determination to come out on the other side. The pain and scars left behind from a three year nightmare has taken a long time to heal. Occasionally I still experience flashbacks. Three years ago I found myself broken hearted and on my knees praying for strength to get through this. I am happy to say I made it.

I’m sharing my story tonight because May 16th was the anniversary of leaving my abuser. On May 16th, I was blessed to be given the opportunity to fly to Maui where I’m spending time with my cousin. I couldn’t put my finger on why this trip fell in to place. It was crazy how it all happened. My friend who owns a condo here offered her condo to me for a week for free. The dates she had available were May 16-24. I accepted her offer not even knowing how I would pay for my flight. My brother and sister in law used their air miles to buy me a ticket. Everything happens for a reason. I knew there was a reason I was coming back to Maui. I love Maui however, Maui is also reminder of the time I shared with my ex. We spent many weeks here together. Today I found an old blog and noticed that May 16th was the day I broke free from my abuser. Three years have passed. I suspect my trip here is somewhat of a Re-birth for me. I no longer have to look behind me. I can finally move forward and what better place to be to begin my new life than to start my new beginning in Maui on vacation with my cousin who is also my best friend.

I don’t particularly enjoy sharing the details of my past relationship. After three years, I’m still so embarrassed. I take comfort knowing there’s a term for what I went through. It’s called “gaslighting”. Gaslighting is a term where someone uses manipulation to cause you to question your own sanity. My “Ron” did just that. Today I’m free from that relationship as well as that toxic environment. Slowly but surely I’ve gotten my confidence back but more importantly my sanity back. Like so many women, I never thought this would happen to me. What I’ve learned is even the smartest and most intelligent women can find themselves in a relationship such as mine. I still ask myself “what was I thinking? How did I allow this to happen to me?” I still have flashbacks and I’m no longer the woman I once was but I’m happy to report I’m a new woman in progress.

Today I’m hopeful again. I’m eager to laugh and have fun again and I believe my knight in shining armor is out there and more importantly I know that when I find him I will never allow him to manipulate me to the point where I lose myself.

Life happens. Today I’m on vacation in Maui. I am waking up to the sound of the ocean and the cool breeze coming in through my lanai. I have no plans other than to spend the day at the farmers market then the beach taking in all that healing spirit Maui has to offer. Life is good again. I heard a quote once that said “I may not be everything I want to be, but thank god I’m not where I used to be!” Truth!! I’m not close to being who I want to be. Thank god I’m Not where I used to be!!