Don’t Take Things Personally 4-28-20

A friend of mine was set to get married on April 4th at Dodger Stadium. He had finally found the love of his life or so he thought.

The coronavirus happened as well as the shutdown in California. He was laid off from his job and when he was, his fiancé dumped him. Her reason. “You have no job”. Wow! Well he’s been brooding and is naturally devastated. While my heart goes out to him I managed to tell him this woman clearly wasn’t the love of his life. Or better, he wasn’t hers.

I got a sappy text today from him. His ex fiancé hasn’t even bothered to contact him. In her eyes, he’s a loser. In my eyes, well she’s a bitch! But it’s none of my business. My reply was the following. Don’t take things personally. My motto if your partner can’t love you in the bad times……NEXT!!! We all need a little reminder. Whatever happens….don’t take it personally. You’ll only hurt yourself if you do.

“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….

But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement.”

Taking It All Too Hard 1-29-20

I love Phil Collins. I especially love the lyrics to this song. It’s one of my favorite Genesis Songs. The lyrics really touch my heart. Relationships are hard. Sometimes things go awry. Maybe your spouse cheats on you, maybe there’s a betrayal, sometimes life happens and you drift apart and rather than try and work things out you allow your resentments of the past to dictate the demise of your once happy home or relationship. The next thing you know you’re alone and missing that special someone but like the song “you keep it to yourself”. Left wondering “Wouldn’t it have been easier to realize that the old days were gone and tried to create new ones?” In other words let the past go and try to find the happiness you once shared together again.

Recently I heard of a young woman who’s husband was cheating right under her nose with her neighbor and friend. I’m sure she’s devastated. I heard this song today and thought of her and her young children. Betrayed and alone and probably missing the man who brought her so much pain. My prayer for her is that god will heal her pain as well as the pain her friend caused to her own guy. Life is not a game and neither are relationships. Heartache is real. And from my own experience heartache really sucks. Being cheated on is the worst.

The beauty of this song is that despite being alone and missing his partner he realizes that those days are gone and it’s ok to move on. He realizes the relationship has come to an end. He succumbs to the fact that it’s ok to move on. What a great song. We’ve all been there a time or two and while the pain is real it eventually gets better the minute we let go and move on.

I’ve Seen All Good People 7-29-19

I was on my way home with my youngest son from an art festival on Saturday. We were listening to music. A song by the band “YES” came on. My son shared one of his favorite songs was “I’ve Seen All Good People”. I had to agree it was my favorite also. When my kids were young I would play the beginning of the song over and over. I was surprised to hear my son share a story of when he was on a trip in Oakland.

Derek shared he was at a restaurant with friends. He heard this song playing and became distracted. The owner of the restaurant was at their table welcoming the group to his restaurant. He looked at my son and commented that clearly his mind was somewhere else. Derek told the owner that he could hear this song playing. It reminded him of hearing it repeatedly when he was young. He shared it was one of his favorites. The owner began to cry. He told Derek that it was his brothers favorite song too. His brother had passed away when he was a teenager. Derek was so moved by the story as was I when my son shared the story with me.

We played the song on the way home. I have to admit, we played the beginning over and over. I told my son I was really curious to know what the meaning of the song was. We looked it up on Wikipedia and Song Facts.

I’ve Seen All Good People” is a song performed by the English progressive rock band Yes. Written by Yes members Jon Anderson and Chris Squire, it was first included on 1971’s The Yes Album and has appeared on several later albums. The first part of the song, titled “Your Move“, was released as a single. It became a top 40 hit in the United States, which helped the group build momentum

The tune uses chess as a lyrical metaphor for navigating interpersonal relationships. It has received positive reviews from several critics and has been considered one of Yes’s best-known songs, with AllMusic‘s Mike DeGagne stating that “the harmonies are resilient from start to finish” and that the track “still stands as one of their most appealing” works. Music critic Robert Christgau has also singled it out for praise.

The first part of the song, “Your Move”, alludes to the game of chess as a metaphor for male–female relationships. Examples include the phrases “move me onto any black square”, “make the white queen run so fast”, and “the goal is for us all to capture only one”.

A reference to John Lennon’s work is in the lyric “send that instant karma to me”, with “Instant Karma!” being a single released by Lennon in 1970. Also, the sentence “All we are saying is give peace a chance” is heard in the organ part before switching to “All Good People”, referencing another Lennon song, “Give Peace a Chance“. More generally, Anderson has stated that the line “’cause it’s time, it’s time in time with your time” was an attempt to say that he would “do anything that is required of me to reach God” and that he wants the listener to feel “in tune and in time with God.” Just before the three-minute mark of the song, at the final part of “Your Move”, the chorus of Lennon’s “Give Peace a Chance” can be heard in the background. – Wikipedia

This is an anti-war song. The term “I’ve seen all good people” is ALL the people, including the so-called enemy.

The line, “Don’t surround yourself with yourself” refers to self-righteous behavior; “Move on back two squares” is a chess term meaning to retreat and rethink your position. The lyrics also refer to the queen, which is the most versatile and powerful chess piece. It talks about how news is captured for use by the queen, which uses forces to take control and manipulate troops against the enemy. War is like a game of chess.

With the line, “Send an instant comment to me, initial it with loving care,” this song references “Instant Karma,” which was a song recorded by John Lennon a year earlier. Lennon was a huge influence on Yes, who covered The Beatles song “Every Little Thing” on their first album.

The lines: “Just remember that the gold is for us to capture all we want, anywhere, Yea, yea, yea” refers to the rich and powerful victimizing the weak and poor. The US was taken off the Gold standard by Richard Nixon August 15, 1971 the same year this was released. – Song Facts.

LYRICS

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

Take a straight and stronger course

To the corner of your life

Make the white queen run so fast

She hasn’t got time to make you a wife

‘Cause it’s time, it’s time in time with your time

And its news is captured

For the queen to use!

Move me on to any black square

Use me anytime you want

Just remember that the goal

Is for us all to capture all we want (Move me on to any black square)

Don’t surround yourself with yourself

Move on back two squares

Send an instant karma to me

Initial it with loving care (Don’t surround yourself)

‘Cause it’s time, it’s time in time with your time

And its news is captured

For the queen to use!

Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda

Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (Don’t surround yourself with yourself)

Don’t surround yourself with yourself (Don’t surround yourself)

Move on back two squares

Send an instant karma to me (Send an instant karma to me)

Initial it with loving care (Don’t surround yourself)

‘Cause it’s time, it’s time in time with your time

And its news is captured

For the queen to use!

Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (All we are saying)

Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (Is give peace a chance)

Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (All we are saying)

Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (Is give peace a chance

‘Cause it’s time, it’s time in time with your time

And it’s news is captured

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day

So satisfied I’m on my way

After reading about the meaning of this song, I couldn’t help but love the song even more. In my opinion, we should all strive to be better. We should also strive to be closer to God. Besides the fact this song is anti-war song, it also encourages all of us to step back and reflect on our own selves opposed to judging others. I feel we have become a nation of so much fighting and pointing fingers. The lyrics also encourage us to strive for peace. Interestingly enough, I feel our current situation with our president is very similar to the Nixon era. There is absolutely no peace in this country.

I love how “YES” uses a game of chess as a metaphor to get their point across. I’m not sure why I’m sharing all this on my blog tonight. Possibly because I can really resonate with the meaning. I would love nothing more than for everyone to find a sense of peace not only in their own lives but with others. Who knows. All I know is I love this song. I love that I’m able to share that same love of a song with my son Derek. I love the beat. I love the lyrics and I love the meaning.

This tune is a classic. It was released in the 70’s. It was a hit then and in truth is still a hit in my eyes so many years later. I’d like to encourage you to listen to the song. Who knows, maybe you too might be touched and find yourself wishing for a little bit of peace too. Like the song, I’m sending a little good karma your way. Initialed with loving care and I hope you will do the same for me. ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Relationship Tips 5-5-19

If you find yourself resonating with any of the following tips, do yourself a favor….run!!!

Your guy lies to you and then tries to minimize it by saying “it wasn’t actually a lie. More like a white lie. “I told a white lie to protect our relationship.” There’s four words for this. He’s full of shit!

Your guy cheats on you. When you find out he somehow finds a way to blame you for his infidelity causing you to stay and worse feel guilty for his transgression.

Your guy calls you names including bitch, psycho, the “C” word. In short, any derogatory word or insult. He brings you down and causes you to feel so insecure and worthless.

He yells at you, throws iPads across the room, becomes extremely volatile and hostile for no reason then demands space. Even telling you you’re not allowed to call for 24 hours because he needs “space”. He needs space because he’s cheating.

Sends pictures of his private parts to other women. You find the messages then he denies it even though you show him the proof.

He Blames and shames you. He is never accountable for his actions.

You find hidden comments on his Facebook page from other women

Manipulates you to the point you question your sanity.

He tells you he needs a woman with money. He’s broke and struggles to pay the rent. Therefore he needs a woman with money so they can pull their resources together. This one is my favorite. He’s a user and a loser!!

He tells you he needs to “drift” to connect with his spirit guide. The Wolf. He claims to be spiritual yet his spirituality leaves you scratching your head.

The universe brought you together. You are soul mates destined to be with each other. Which is why he begins demanding marriage only one month after connecting with you on Facebook and by phone yet you’ve never met each other.

He proposes to you on his knees with a mood ring he bought at a convenience store two days after you find out he’s cheating then becomes angry when you say no.

He sends you this message after leading you to believe the universe brought you together as soul mates to spend your life together.

“Yes we were destined to be together but not necessarily as a couple we were destined to be together because there was work to be done and my work was to show you the way and then you know we got involved and the universe pulled me away (he was cheating) in another direction to help someone else and it’s gonna pull me again. It is what has happened my entire life. I’ve sat in the darkness in my cave at my house for a year and I can’t do that anymore I have to be able to get out and do his work and you know you can’t handle the fact that I am going to be called to other people both men and female and that is the issue and that is what I’m being told now and so that is why everything happened”

When he tells you this…bolt! He’s completely full of crap!!

He tells you he spent the weekend crying in bed after you tell him you need to respect yourself and walk away. Then you see a post from another woman referring to him As a “Wild” man. You confront him and learn he was at a channeling/chanting ritual playing a drum to release all the pain. He apparently became wild. Again…run. It’s shear bologna.

You get this message after confronting him asking “are you seeing someone?”

“Oh my God when do I have time to get into another relationship I’m talking about the work that I’m here to do. The channeling the healing whatever it is it varies it depends all the time. You really never took the time to understand my powers you have only criticized me for having them and doubted them and laughed at them. I channel shit to you all the time and ANN (I didn’t know about Ann. Surprise) come in for me it’s coming from above. But of course you don’t believe that so I don’t know what’s coming, all I know is it’s time for me to get back on my path and be and do what I was put on this planet to do so I don’t have to relive this again. (He believes he’s led many lives. I think he’s a cat) This has been one of the hardest lives I could ever imagine anyone him to leave the things that have gone through the people that have lost the things that of happened to me personally and it’s time for me to step up and do what I’m supposed to do I’m sorry I even mentioned it you can’t handle what what the truth is you can’t handle the truth”

Yup after reading a message like this please know you’re not crazy. He is.

He minimizes all of his actions and always finds a way to blame you and of course his loneliness.

He accuses you of abandoning him.

His only request is you make him your number one priority. Him first, god second and then family.

He believes he was brought to you by the universe to heal you. Yet you relapse after 16 1/2 years and find yourself in crisis counseling. If that’s healing RUN!!!

He’s a powerful spirit, channeler and healer. A professed empath. He knows what you’re thinking, what you’re going to say and can feel you seconds before you call. So he says. Of course what he channels isn’t remotely close to what you’re thinking or were about to say. Here’s an example of a message I received.

“I just deliver the message I’m simply a channeler not a healer The Individual has to determine what to do with the message. Its that simple. I’m not God and only God can heal but we can heal ourselves through prayer and meditation”

My guy insisted the spirits told him we were destined to be together then when he found a new victim the story changed. I challenged him saying “obviously either your spirit guides lied or you did after he sent me the following message. If this isn’t a red flag I don’t know what is.

“Yes I believed that but in what context clearly it was not as a couple. Sadly that is the current truth” this message after I called him out for leading me to believe the universe brought us together. It was our destiny. The truth is he was cheating.

He needs passion and touch. If you don’t give it to him he will find someone to give it to him. Be prepared to be blamed for his infidelity.

He yells profanity at all drivers when driving in his car. One might refer to his behavior as Road Rage.

He is depressed one day, lonely the next and it’s all your fault.

He gets scammed on the internet. Yup…you guessed it. It’s your fault!

He never lets you talk. He dominates the phone call, arguments, conversation. He never listens and when he’s done he hangs up on you or walks away leaving you hanging because you never had the chance to get in a word in edgewise.

He ignores you and makes you feel less than.

If you call him he becomes irritable because your call is inconvenient.

If you ask about his day he takes offense and becomes defensive. You’re “bird dogging” him.

He really believes he’s god. He will claim god is working through him. He might say the Holy Spirit.

He tells you he has no respect for you then says you misunderstood. What part of “I have no respect for you” did I not understand?! Listen if he can’t respect you then you must have the courage to respect yourself and give this guy the boot!!

He says things that are so hurtful then accuses you of taking his words the wrong way. He simply said those things out of anger. It’s your fault for making him angry.

My favorite. I never said that. You’re psycho. You prove it and he still denies it.

He does or says one thing then denies it. This behavior causes you to question your sanity.

If you find yourself feeling nuts. Dreading answering the phone for fear of who will be on the other end. Doctor Love or Doctor Jekyl you’re in a relationship with one messed up guy who you’ve allowed to mess you up!!

He tells you you are possessed by the evil spirit living in your basement. Which includes an open portal where the evil Spirits come and go to possess you. Do not question him. He’s a very powerful force who is simply channeling the message from the spirits. His remedy is quite often move out of your home. Leave everything behind. Marry him and live with him. He will take really good care of you. Hmm I’ll bet! If you haven’t lost your mind you will certainly end up like a character in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.”

These are just a few red flags based on my experience. I’m sharing because I have found myself insane to the point I lost my dignity, self respect and ability to have a clear mind. There’s a term for men like this. Gas-lighters. If you find yourself resonating with any of these red flags….run and don’t look back. If you have other red flags and you would like to add please share them on the comment line. It’s important to share our stories with others. There are so many victims out there going through the same. It’s up to us and when I say us, I mean both men and women. Yes men find themselves as victims too!!

I received a lengthy email not long ago from a reader. She wrote a very lovely letter. What stood out to me was the following quote.

“You teach people how to treat you – by putting up with it you are teaching this man that it’s okay to do this to you – it’s not! Ask yourself, what would you tell a close friend going through the same trauma?”

These words really hit home. I’m guilty of allowing myself to be treated badly. No more!! No one has the right to treat us like crap. Each and everyone of us deserves better. I’m attaching the reply from a woman after I voiced my pain and concerns over the relationship I found myself in. I hope it resonates and hits home with anyone suffering like it did for me. With that said, I’m not a therapist. I’m simply a blogger sharing my personal experience.

Response from one of my readers below after one of my Facebook posts in a private group.

“I’m reading this and feel so sad, but I also feel resolved for you. You have voiced your fear now it’s time to let it go and gather courage and get the heck out of there. I have had to do this myself, so I know.

Go no contact. Block all methods of contact. Change your addresses, phone numbers, whatever you need to do. Find strength and courage in taking care of yourself first. Move if you have to. Get out of the way and stay out of the way. Surround yourself with people you know you can trust and if for now that’s only your therapist lean on her/him. Call on your need for self-preservation and just do it. To overcome fear we must rely on our strength, and no matter what he has said to you about you it is not you. It is him. Ignore him and move on.

My grandmother has a similar story I’m writing a novel around. It’s about her escape from a toxic 27 year marriage (in the 60s) and is a story of female empowerment following years of domestic oppression. Her courage blows me away, but it was her desperation to get away that drove her. If she can do it, so can you.

Holding space for you. ❤️

You teach people how to treat you – by putting up with it you are teaching this man that it’s okay to do this to you – it’s not! Ask yourself, what would you tell a close friend going through the same trauma?

You are not to blame for his actions. All of the blame here lies squarely on his shoulders. You are not to blame for being scared. He is to blame for placing you in a situation where you are scared. You are not nuts. I have been in an abusive relationship in my past. I did not deserve to be abused. You do not deserve to be treated the way he treats you. You are innocent. You are guilty of nothing. He is to blame for intimidating you, for deliberately treating you in such a way that you feel badly about yourself. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You are a good person. That is so obvious to me. You’re scared, and rightly so. I’m pretty sure I would be. I feel that being treated badly in the way that you are being treated, especially over a long period of time, would erode your self confidence and interfere with your ability to act. I think it would mine. It took great courage for you to reach out to us in the way that you have. I for one, am so glad that you did. I know that I am not alone in this. Again and again I see people here coming from that caring place as they share and encourage each other. And please, please, get the counseling you need. You will get through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel.”

Something Wonderful Is About To Happen #2 5-3-19

The last 24 hours have been rather challenging for me. In truth, there’s a part of my heart that’s broken. However, I’ve been praying really hard for strength and healing. Sometimes life throws us curveballs that aren’t necessarily comfortable. Despite it all we still have to keep moving.

Tonight I was on my way home from a meeting. I looked toward the Cascade Mountains and found myself in awe when I saw this beautiful sunset. It reminded me of the words Father Michael once told during one of his homilies at St Dominic’s in San Francisco.

Father Michael shared that when things in our life aren’t going as planned it’s important to remind ourselves “Something Wonderful Is About To Happen”. As I looked at this sunset and took these photos those words that I have held close to my heart for several years came to mind reminding me “Something Wonderful Is About To Happen”. I can’t say for sure that something wonderful is about to happen but what I do know is God really does exist. Maybe this sunset that took my breath away was just a reminder that no matter the circumstances he’s with me and everything is going to be ok. I hope so any way

https://fiercefabulousfunny.com/2015/07/20/something-wonderful-is-going-to-happen-7-20-15/

Coming Back To Center 5-1-19

Coming Back to Center in a Relationship

BY MADISYN TAYLOR

In a long-term relationship, it is often necessary to get back to basics and come back to center with each other.

Anyone in a long-term relationship knows that the dance of intimacy involves coming together and moving apart. Early in a relationship, intense periods of closeness are important in order to establish the ground of a new union. Just as a sapling needs a lot more attention than a full-grown tree, budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root. Once they become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again, to the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy. Yet, if a long-term relationship is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturance of earlier times, is essential.

In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves. We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and care if they are to thrive.

One of the best ways to nourish a relationship is through communication. If you feel that a distance has grown between you and your partner, you may be able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. Do your best to avoid blame and regret. Focus instead on the positive, which is the fact that you want to grow closer together. Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between you has the effect of bringing the relationship into balance. In other cases, more intense effort and attention may be required. You may want to set aside time to talk and come up with solutions together. Remember to have compassion for each other. You’re in the same boat together and trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. Express faith and confidence in each other, and enjoy the slow dance of intimacy that can resume between the two of you.

A real Man Never Hurts A Woman 4-19-19

This is so true. I’ll never forget when I was in San Francisco. My ex had been so awful. To the point I cried profusely. I left the house and went to my church and prayed at the altar. On the way home I was angry at God. Even yelling at him. I stopped at a convenience store before going back home. As I walked in, an older man walked in behind me. As we walked towards the back he suddenly said “I want you to know God heard you tonight”. I looked at him and said “excuse me”. He said “God saw who hurt you tonight and made you cry. He wants you to know he will deal with him but he also wants you to know he has a plan for you. Everything is going to be alright”. I was so taken aback. He told me God had a plan for me. He said don’t worry about the person who hurt you. God will deal with him but as for you he has a plan and everything is going to be ok. I began to cry. This stranger put one arm around me and raised his other arm in the air and said “St Catherine of Sienna I ask you to intercede for this woman tonight. May you offer her the same gift you offered me years ago!” I looked at him and asked “Are you Catholic?” He answered “we are all Catholic”. He went on to share a story when he was in Europe and was down and out. He prayed even praying to St. Catherine of Sienna asking her to pray for him. A miracle happened. He prayed that I too would receive the same gift of a miracle he received that time.

Now you might wonder who this man was. I have no idea. He was just a business man who was lost in the city. He had google map on his iPad and wanted to ask the store clerk questions. Before he left he said “I’m so glad I walked in here tonight. God bless you.” He walked out and got in to his Mercedes and drove away.

I probably will never forget this night. They say God speaks to you through people. I have always been grateful he spoke to me through a stranger that night.