George Carlin 8-23-18

George Carlin’s wife died early in 2008 and George followed her, dying in July 2008. It is ironic George Carlin – comedian of the 70’s and 80’s – could write something so very eloquent and so very appropriate. An observation by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.

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Cups Of Water 5-21-18

Cups of water

We who live by compassion

are so small in this world.

It seems sometimes as if

we face a forest fire

of fear and violence

with little paper cups of love.

They appear like magic tricks

in trembling hands,

not much, just little cups,

but we offer them,

the great baptismal, birthing flow

in little cups, mere drops

of God

that flood the world,

that never run out.

SGH

The purpose of life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others. Only then have we become true human beings.— Albert Schweitzer

St Catherine’s Tree 3-14-18

Saint Catherine of Siena pictured the spiritual life as a large tree:

The trunk of the tree is love.

The core of the tree is patience.

The roots of the tree are self-knowledge.

The many branches are discernment.

In other words, said Catherine, love does not happen without patience, self-knowledge, and discernment. Today we have little encouragement toward honest self-knowledge or training in spiritual discernment from our churches. We prefer the seeming clarity of black-and-white laws. By nature, most of us are not very patient. All of which means that love is not going to be very common. We need Saint Catherine’s tree again.

—from the book Yes, And…: Daily

Meditations by Richard Rohr

Love More, Hurt Less 3-9-18

How To Love More and Hurt Less From Relationship Failures by Crystal Aryana

“Love is never a failure unless you miss the lesson.” – Anonymous

There’s one thing that almost everyone does that guarantees your relationship will not succeed in the long term, but it’s so common that it’s hard to recognize you even do it.

This simple little thing that people do pretty much destroys your ability to truly connect – and even truly love.

It turns love into a commodity that you barter for, rather than the infinite connection that it really is!

It’s the idea and practice of “transactional love” and it’s the #1 reason why most relationships fail (and how you can “fail yourself” onto the path of learning what real, conscious love is by contrast.)

In other words, I believe, love can be divided into two major kinds: transactional love and conscious love. Much of the suffering we experience comes from our failure to tell the two apart.

What Is Transactional Love?  

It’s the kinda “don’t rock the boat and everyone feels good” kind of love or the “I let you stay stuck in your dysfunctional patterns, if you let me stay stuck in mine” kinda game.

It’s a sneaky kind of co dependence that creeps up on you in your relationship that leaves you feeling unsatisfied and unsupported without knowing why.

Transactional love is the kind of codependent love that must be “earned.”

Transactional love is based on bargains, reciprocates, and keeping tabs on who does what for who (and even going as far as listing it for them). What’s crazy is practically everything we call “love” in today’s modern world basically falls under this category – an exchange.

The problem is that we are using love as a manipulation tool, instead of just existing in love itself – first and foremost with ourselves and then with our loved ones.

Sometimes we fail to recognize when we are “being in attachment” and we go about living our lives thinking it’s actually the “right way” to love someone.

Here’s a good example:

I have a friend who’s parents would only show him love when he did well in school, or performed well at the sporting event.  If his performance wasn’t “up to par” then his parents would treat him more like an outsider.

The poor guy grew up his entire life thinking he needs to earn love by doing a good job, because not doing a good job equated to he wasn’t worthy of love.

This creates a serious emotional attachment to the outcome of “doing a good job” which means “I am only loved when I do well” that it can create an entire buffet of codependent and addictive behaviors, just for him to feel like someone cares.  A perfect cocktail for relationship failure.

We tend to get attached to people because of how they move or inspire us to feel. We believe that we’re in love with a particular person when in fact we’re attached to them. If you’re not in love with WHO his human is – outside of any benefit or meaning to you  – then you simply love the way they make you feel.

This means what you really need is for someone to fill a void in your life or boost your self esteem.  This is why you might even feel sick when this person leaves you because you tend to feel lonely without them around. When in truth, it’s not THEM that you miss, you just miss what they can do for you.

This is why we call this kind of codependent love “transactional” and why it’s so easy to get attached this way.

The hard part is that humans LOVE TO BE attached.  We get attached very quickly and easily.  We get attached to objects, events, and people. We get attached to our personal belongings, a special place, routines, environment, atmosphere, almost everything.

When you love through attachment you become self-centered. You tend to feed your needs with these particular things. And people are not an exception.

Because here’s the bottom line:  Love is not a transaction.  You do not barter love.  You don’t trade for love.

In a lot of ways, attachment is the opposite of love, even though we’ve all been trained to think otherwise. Attachment masquerades as love.

It says, “I will love this person because I need them.” Or, “I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you love me the way I want.”

This isn’t love at all – it is attachment! And unhealthy attachment is rigid and controlling.  It is very different from love. When there is attachment, there is clinging and fear.

So What Is Conscious Love? 

The question we must ask our self is what is the type of relationship that we want to have? Do we want to have a transactional relationship, or a truly loving relationship.

Concious love starts with yourself, you don’t dissolve in another person. You are an independent unit and you have your own life plan and goals, regardless your partner. Then your relationship will empower and amplify your life.

When you are attached, you wait for this person to fulfill your happiness, you bind yourself to him. This is a debilitating condition, when you place your well-being into someone else’s hands. Without the partner, you are lonely, discontented, broken, and incomplete.

If you find yourself in a clingy attachment, it may be necessary to take a break for growth, revelation, and enlightenment. When you are loving yourself and others consciously, a break away from your lover won’t break you.

Conscious love and connection is where one feeds the self from within love and thus shares this state of being and doing with others, meeting each other in the middle and not needing to “take” from each other – yet feed ourselves from within.

Conscious love is what it takes to dissolve harmful emotional attachments and codependency (which can lead to self sabotaging or abusive situations in relationships if left unchecked without healthy boundaries and communication in place).

This being “all in” kind of love is doing a “whatever it takes to get it done” kind of devotion. It is a shared, grounded understanding of each other that is authentic, transparent, congruent, and accepting. Conscious love knows itself with a capacity for emotional intelligence and self awareness.

Real conscious love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aims to possess.

If we examine our attachment with compassion, we can see how it is constricted and conditional; it offers love only to certain people in certain ways—it is exclusive.

This is the definition of TRUE love.  It doesn’t measure.  It doesn’t compare.  It just exists to be embraced, embellished and enjoyed.

And you don’t need to earn a thing 🙂

So now let me ask …

What Kind Of Love Do YOU Have?  

One type of love is transactional, co dependent, based in attachment, and displaces true feelings for neediness and addictive behaviors.

The other is independent of outcome, based in infinity, feeds itself just by existing, and leads to honest, empathetic connection between two people.

Conscious love doesn’t measure, doesn’t compare.  Love just is, and loves.  From this paradigm love is not transactional, it is essential, because we ARE LOVE without needing to “earn it” outside of ourselves.

When you take a step back and look at the type of love you are giving and receiving, and see it in this way, it puts a lot of things into perspective.

That’s what I love so much about your Love Power Reading.  It goes deep into what kind of love life you’re meant to live, how you go about living it, and when you’re destined to find what you’re looking for.

Does Heaven Really Exist 2-13-17

Does heaven really exist? I’m sure we have asked ourselves that very question. I am a believer however, I’m also human. Sometimes it’s hard to believe in something I can’t see. Especially when life is either challenging or I find myself missing my father who passed away six years ago. I’d like to believe he’s in paradise living life to the fullest. Surrounded by beautiful sunshine, breathtaking sunsets and beautiful beaches.

My friend, who I will refer to as Ginger, lost her mother last summer. Like me, she was with her mom when she took her last breath.

Ginger wrote me today and shared a beautiful story of what happened to her today. I was so moved by the story, I asked her if it would be ok if I shared it with my blog community.

If you don’t believe in heaven, after reading Gingers story, you will.

“So. I am sure you and every other “normal ” person question life after death. We believe, but there is always that little voice saying “I sure wish I had proof”. But we tuck that thought away and pray for the best.

Well about a month ago I was watering a plant that I brought from my moms. It’s a Christmas cactus. They don’t bloom very often but if they do, it is around Christmas (hence the name) and often around Easter some just never bloom. Well my moms had three blooms right around Easter at her house. That was cool. While I was watering I said out loud “mom if there really is a heaven can you make this thing bloom?”

Knowing it’s not near Easter or Christmas. Well…..”

A picture tells a thousand words. By the looks of this photo, I think heaven does exist.

Appreciate The People In Your Life 6-20-17

“Appreciate the people in your life” was my mantra today. Often times we overlook the people that cross our paths on a daily basis. We see these people as insignificant and fail to recognize the blessing they are or the lesson we need to learn from them. We get so wrapped up in our own life, our own needs that we become blinded to the people around us. Selfish I guess. 

I heard a story by Joel Osteen once. He spoke of a man who had been a pilot in the war. His plane was shot down. What saved this man was his parachute. He went on to be recognized as a war hero. Many years later, he was sitting at a restaurant. A man approached him and asked if he was so and so from so and so. The pilot answered yes. This stranger knew everything about him. Intrigued, the pilot asked “how do you know so much about me?”  The gentleman replied “I was on the navy ship you were on. I was the guy who sewed your parachute and ensured it was in good shape before you took your flight every morning.”  These two men spoke for a few more minutes and went on their way. 

That evening, the pilot couldn’t sleep. He kept trying to rememember this man. He wondered if he had paid more attention, would he have recognized what a blessing this man was in his life. Instead, he never gave this man a minute of his time. After all, this man’s job was merely to sew parachutes. A parachute that saved this pilots life.  It was a wonderful reflection. 

How many people are in our lives that we never take the time to recognize? We see them as insignificant and/or fail to recognize the importance they are playing in our life. Maybe the janitor at a job. They keep the office clean so we have a nice place to work. The doorman who opens the door at your building. The barista who has memorized your coffee order and has it ready for you every morning. How about the friend who prays for you and reaches out to you periodically to make sure you’re ok? Get my drift?

When I was fighting cancer, a friend from high school who I hadn’t spoken to in over 30 years reached out to me. Her name is Heather however, I call her Ginger because she has beautiful, red hair and she calls me Chia. At that time I was bald and looked like a Chia pet. Besides fighting cancer, I was also in a very tumultuous relationship. You know the story. If you don’t, read my blog.  Every day for one year, Ginger reached out to me. She would send me positive affirmations and words of encouragement. Ginger was my only support and much of the reason I kept going. She supported and encouraged me on the days I couldn’t get up. I will never forget her. 

There are so many people who have been a blessing in my life. I am so grateful for all of them. I have so many stories of people who have come in to my life for a brief moment. My encounter may have been a few minutes however the blessing they left behind is a lifetime. 

I recall working at the newspaper where I was a Marketing Consultant. On many occasions our graphic design team was never recognized for their hard work. I’ll admit, on occasion I failed to show my appreciation but I knew then and still know today, that without their expertise I may not have become the successful marketing consultant I was at that time. Their creativity is what always made me shine. I tried my best to acknowledge them as often as possible for the blessing they were in my life. 

Today I want to say thank you to all my readers. Without you, I wouldn’t have a blog. I want to thank my mother for supporting me these past two years as I healed from the trauma cancer and my ex left behind. I’m thankful to all of my friends and acquaintances who have come in and out of my life. You’ve made a difference in my life. I’m grateful for my children and grandchildren.   They are the reason I still have love in my heart. I’m grateful for the good times and the bad times. The lessons I’ve learned have been life changing.  I appreciate everyone and everything and I appreciate the challenges in my life. They’ve made me the survivor I am today. There isn’t a person who I’ve encountered who hasn’t had some significant impact on my life.

My encouragement for those reading today is to take a few minutes to appreciate the people in your life. Pick up the phone and let them know how much you appreciate them. Say thank you as often as you can and never, ever forget that no matter how challenging life may be, there is always someone in your life to be grateful for. 

Angels Among Us 6-10-17

I heard this song by Alabama this morning. I’m not a huge fan of country music however, this song is worth listening to. I am so blessed to have many angels in my life. Angels who have stood by my side. Angels who have picked me up as I’ve been knocked down many, many times these past few years. Angels who have appeared out of nowhere to pray with me, encourage me and believe in me. My heart is filled with so much gratitude. 
As I listened to this song I thought of all the angels in my life. However, there are three angels that really stood out. Not because of anything they did for me but for how they’ve touched my life. Oliver and Audrey, my two grandchildren, are the sweet little angels that healed my aching heart. There’s nothing more incredible than the joy these kids bring to my heart. Even on the most challenging days, and believe me I have many, one kiss from Audrey and Oliver and nothing else matters. My heart feels nothing but love. 

Then there’s James. James is the homeless man I became friends with in San Francisco. His story touched me in a way I can’t put in to words. Besides being homeless, he was fighting bone cancer. James and I prayed often. I even gave him my beloved St Jude necklace. In my opinion, he was an angel. He opened my heart to being compassionate towards those in need. I think of him often and wonder if we will ever cross paths again. I hope and pray he made it. I still cry when I think of him. 

We all have angels in our lives. I would like to encourage everyone reading this post to take some time today and recognize the angels in your own life. For me I would just like to thank mine and send them blessings filled with pure light and love.