Dear Velma 4-10-18

Posted on April 10, 2018 by velmadunkin under strong women

My Darling Velma,

What did you do for yourself today that was purely and solely just for you?

Did you sit with a cup of your favorite tea and a good book for at least a few minutes with no distractions?

Did you spend quiet time in nature to soothe your spirit and soul?

Did you lavish yourself with a bubble bath and lavender candles?

Everyday, you have to find time and space that is for no one other than you. You have to take care of you so that you can continue to do all the caring for others that you do, in a healthy way.

Don’t neglect yourself, my dearest.

Humming a relaxing tune,

Your Inner Pilot Light

Personal Perfection 4-3-18

Posted on April 3, 2018 by velmadunkin under Emotional Growth

Do you know what your quest for personal perfection is doing to you? Besides being an unattainable peak, it slowly over time robs you of your joy.

The very notion that you think you need to be perfect is itself a thinking error. It is a statement that who you are now at this moment is not enough, and so you must strive to be better.

This is a lie! People don’t love you because you’re perfect. They love you because you’re inherently lovable.

You’ve given yourself a set of rules and instructions that say you can’t be happy or successful or worthy until you’ve reached this perfection. But doesn’t it always seem that no matter how hard you try to reach it, you’re never any closer? Doesn’t that tell you something?

Perfection is like a shimmering mirage in a vast desert wasteland. No matter how far you go, it’ll always be just over the next sand dune.

Don’t go down the dark road of perfection, when the truth is in the light, and the truth is that every moment of every day, you are worthy and precious and ENOUGH.

Feed your parched soul from the endless well of “ME” and leave behind the desert wasteland of perfection. – Your Inner Pilot Light

A Woman Should Have 3-14-18

Posted on March 14, 2018 by velmadunkin under strong women

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….

Enough money within her control to move out…

And rent a place of her own

even if she never wants to

or needs to…

Something perfect to wear if the employer

or date of her dreams wants to See Her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

A youth she’s content to leave behind….

A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to

retelling it in her Old Age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .

A set of screwdrivers,

a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

One friend who always makes her laugh…

And one Who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….

A good piece of furniture not previously owned

by anyone else in her Family…

Eight matching plates,

wine glasses with stems,

And a recipe for a meal that will make

her guests feel Honored…

A feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

How to fall in love without losing herself..

HOW TO QUIT A JOB,

BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,

AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT

RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP…

When to try harder…

And WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

That she can’t change the length of her calves,

The width of her hips,

or the nature of her parents..

That her childhood may not have been perfect…

But it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

How to live alone…

Even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

Whom she can trust,

Whom she can’t,

And why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

Where to go…

Be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…

Or a charming inn in the woods…

When her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…

A month…

And a year…

Written by Pamela Redmond Satran

Photo unknown

Being Alone 3-6-18

Posted on March 7, 2018 by velmadunkin under Emotional Growth

Being Alone

BY MADISYN TAYLOR

The most important relationship we will ever have in our life, is with our own self.

The most important relationship we have in our lives is with ourselves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives–from birth onward–this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.

Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we’ve satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we’ve created and the beauty we’ve discovered within ourselves.

As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship–the one with our true selves.

She Came Out Swinging 2-13-17

Posted on February 14, 2018 by velmadunkin under abuse

As of late, the news media has been inundated with news of sexual harassment against women by powerful men in various industries. This has brought on the “ME TOO” movement. A movement where women are taking their power and dignity back.

Last week scandal broke in the White House. It was revealed that the presidents aide had abused his two ex-wives as well as his girlfriend. Despite his history, he was allowed to continue to work in the White House, even being considered for a promotion despite his abusive history. Watching this news has brought back so many feelings that I have fought hard for three years to overcome.

The president of the United States has defended his former aide citing what an incredible job Rob Porter had done while working at the White House. He has shown more concern about the abusers feelings than that of the abused women who endured years of abuse.

On Sunday, Kellyanne Conway made a comment that insinuated abuse only happens to women who are weak. I found her comment to be extremely insulting. I have always been a strong woman however I fell victim to a very abusive relationship. Abuse can happen to anyone!!

I watched the interview of Rob Porter’s ex-wife. My heart started pounding as I heard her describe her personal story. I couldn’t breathe. It was as if she was describing my own story. Her story really hit home. However, as I listened to Jennie Willoughby share, somehow I felt vindicated. I have spent the last three years suffering in silence. Humiliated as I’ve asked myself over and over “how did I let this happen to me?”

What I’ve realized is I’m not the only one this has happened to. I’m hopeful as I watch this movement of strong women come out swinging and take their power back. I’m hopeful somehow abuse will finally be recognized for what it is. Wrong! There is no room in society for any type of abuse against women or men for that matter!

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. On February 8, 2015, I blogged about my Valentine’s Day with my own abuser. I haven’t read it since I wrote it, but it popped up as a memory on my Facebook page today. I have said many times, Facebook has a way with bringing back memories that we’d rather forget. I’m attaching the link for those who would like to get a small glimpse of my experience with my abuser. An experience which I now know has a name attached to it. It’s called “gaslighting”. Once upon a time I loved Valentine’s Day. I haven’t been a fan ever since.

https://fiercefabulousfunny.com/2015/02/18/the-stranger-in-my-bed-2-18-15/

Three years have passed. It’s been a very long road for me. Healing takes time but it’s possible. I’m proof. I’m healing every day. I’m not mad anymore. The pain no longer rules my life. The memories are still there but that’s what they are. Just memories of a painful time so long ago. Today I’m healing and I’m hopeful again. I’m not yet the woman I want to be but thank god I’m no longer the woman I used to be.

I hope that by sharing my own story, like the many strong women across the nation who have inspired me by having the courage to come out and say “Me Too”, somehow, I can inspire other women to come out swinging and say “Me Too” also.

There’s a song by Tom Petty called “Swinging”. I am posting this song because it inspires me to believe that no matter how hard things get, I have to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep on swinging. I hope it inspires you too.

It’s Your Job To Set Your Tone 1-4-18

Posted on January 4, 2018 by velmadunkin under Emotional Growth, Uncategorized

“It is your job to set your own tone.

So what you do is, you look for something that’s

easy for you to feel good about.

The aspect of your life that is going well,

there are always some of those.

And as you give your attention to that, you let that be

your reason for establishing your tone.

And as you set your tone relative to that,

now the universe accepts that as your tone

relative to all things, you see.

So all you have to do is find the feeling of well-being relative to any aspect of your life and stay there on it long enough that the universe can begin to respond to it…

And then things just get better and better and better and better. “

– Abraham Hicks

New Beginnings…The Story Of A Butterfly 9-14-17

Posted on September 14, 2017 by velmadunkin under Emotional Growth, healing, moving forward

This was written by someone very dear to me. She would like to remain anonymous however, our hope is it will inspire someone to keep moving forward today.

“Siempre adelante” ….(always moving forward)

I’m grateful for new beginnings. I am finally realizing that change, while hard, isn’t always bad. I’m leaving what doesn’t work behind me and focusing on the new, the exciting, the unknown. That which brings growth and new perspective.
Change has always been hard for me. Really, REALLY, hard. I am such a creature of comfort it’s ridiculous. But for the last year or so my life has undergone lots of change. I finally left the boy friend I ALWAYS went back to. A relationship that kept me from growing and becoming the person I am destined to be. I resigned from my job of 18 years— as it no longer challenged me. I wasn’t part of something positive anymore. I was actually surviving and NOT thriving.

It’s strange how “hard” I thought it was going to be to move on from both of these situations as they were such huge parts of my identity. Who would I be once these labels, these relationships, these fantasies of the future fell away? Once I took stock of what these situations were costing me- I took action. How much do we have to endure before giving ourselves permission to let go? I was so tired of selling myself short. As one person put it, it was like wearing old clothes- they fit, but they weren’t my style anymore.

After the butterfly leaves the cocoon, she spreads her wings and flies. The process takes time, but the end result is amazing. We all endure tough times but what does it cost us to carry these burdens? I’ve learned to view my challenges as “gifts”. They have taught me to love myself, to honor myself and to trust the journey in front of me. While not always easy, it is ALWAYS worth it.

Last week a fleeting thought came to mind- and I realized that I am DOING IT. I am finally living life on my own terms! I will never forget that I am the artist of my story. Looking at life through this new lens, I realize how free I feel, how the possibilities in front of me are endless. I feel like a kid waking up on Christmas day. I’ve learned to trust God, the process and most importantly myself.

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” – Tony Robbins

Winning It All 5-21-17

Posted on May 21, 2017 by velmadunkin under Uncategorized

I read a blog today titled “Write Your Own Song”. It was so inspirational and true to my beliefs, I felt the need to share it. I would highly encourage you to read it.

I love to walk in the mornings. I love the outdoors. Being outdoors, breathing in the air, soaking in the sunshine is so healing for me. I especially love walks on the beach. The sound of the ocean is music to my ears. I love it. I listen to music on my walks while I reflect and pray. It’s my personal “me” time. Whether I’m outside or at the gym, music is my lifeline. My escape. I was listening to one of my favorite 80’s band this morning. For those of you that remember The Outfield, you can relate when I say, their music is still awesome as today as it was all those years ago.

I love all of The Outfield songs, and there are many, however, the song “Winning It All” holds a place in my heart. It was the song I listened to while going through a very tumultuous divorce many years ago. Somehow the song gave me the strength to fight until I reached the finish line. It reminded me every day that despite the name calling or even the stress of a failed marriage and a divorce, I was a winner! I made it to the finish line. I didn’t get everything I wanted but I still felt like a winner. Why? Because I not only survived a year long divorce….I made it and I crossed the finish line.

I hadn’t heard this song in a very long time. Years I suppose but it popped up on my playlist. Immidiately I resonated with the lyrics. In fact, the song couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. A reminder that despite the challenges I have endured up until now, I’m not only a winner but I have no intentions of giving up until victory is won!! It reminded me of that overwhelming feeling I get the moment I conquer any challenge I’ve faced throughout my life.

As I listened to the song, it occurred to me this song could be related to anything we face in life. Whether we are going through a divorce, custody dispute, overcoming addictions and or an eating disorder and even when we are fighting cancer, if we give it everything we’ve got and never give up, eventually we conquer that battle and achieve victory.

Cancer is for winners. Divorce is for winners. Job loss, financial challenges, addictions…the list goes on. All are for winners. It’s the winners who have the strength to never give up. As I thought about this I found myself meditating on a vision. I was at the bottom of a pit but I was climbing my way out. When I got to the top I couldn’t pull myself up. Finally, I saw a hand. It was God’s hand. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of that dark pit. I could see the finish line. I started running towards it. I made it.

I’m sharing this because today you might find yourself feeling hopeless. Like me, the finish line seems so far away but I’d like to encourage you not to give up. I know I’m not giving up. If I can keep going, so can you. So today in the words of The Outfield:

“Winning it all! Ain’t gonna walk away. Giving it all. No matter what you say. Ain’t gonna fall. Don’t want to lose today.” I hope you will feel the same. Remember….”no one remembers a loser and I don’t intend to be one”. So join me today and keep fighting the fight and together we will be “Winning It All!”

Winning doesn’t always mean we get everything we want. It simply means we persevered with determination until we crossed the finish line. All things have an end. Even trials in life. It’s the journey to the finish line along with our perseverance, determination and the lessons we learn along the way that make us all winners.

Be Inspired 2-20-16

Posted on February 20, 2016 by velmadunkin under Uncategorized

In January as I was waiting to meet with my oncologist my brother texted me this inspirational video. I was so touched I began to cry. I’m a die hard San Francisco fan but the message in this video couldn’t have come at a better time.

I met w my oncologist who didn’t have the best news but despite the negative there was hope. I made the decision that day that despite everything I wasn’t going to give up. Since then every morning as I get ready for work I listen to the above video and others to inspire me and encourage me to keep on fighting. Not only to beat this crazy disease but to follow my dreams and live life to the fullest. I’m rock bottom, in financial disarray & im fighting cancer every day but the good news is I’m fierce, I’m fabulous, I’m funny & I’m not giving up.
I’m sharing some of these videos w all of you today in the hopes at least one of them will inspire you the way my brothers act of kindness to inspire me that hopeless day in January, inspired me and continue to inspire me every morning as I begin a new day. “I love you little brother!”
I met a man having a chemo treatment the same day I was last year. I asked him how he was. His reply “I’m great! Every day above ground is a great day!” I’ve never forgot those words. Keep in mind he was fighting cancer for the 2nd time. So today as you face the challenges we all go through on this journey to survive….remember Today Is A Great Day! Every Day Above Ground Is A Great Day! If you’re reading this then my goodness it’s a great day! Go out and make the best of it. Be inspired!!!!