I have been struggling through an emotional challenge as of late. No need to share the details. I’m an open book but I still believe some things are meant to be private. A friend posted a video of the sound of birds chirping while on her walk this morning. I replied with the following comment. As I wrote about my favorite bird I was reminded that I’m not only resilient I can soar through any storm. With that said. This too shall pass. And on the days I feel like I’ve been defeated, I just have to pick myself up again and once again soar like an Iwa.
I love the sound of the birds chirping. It reminds me of being a kid during the summer time. I’d wake up to the sound of the birds chirping outside and a cool breeze coming through the window. One of my favorite birds is the Iwa. The Iwa (pronounced Eva) is a Polynesian bird that the natives look up to. They refer to this bird as “The Storm Bird”. This bird is beloved for its resilience and its ability to withstand any storm. With a wing span of 7 feet it can fly for days, even weeks looking for food. The Iwa can withstand any storm. It has the resilience to pick itself up when the wind knocks it down. When they finally find their prey, they dive in to the ocean despite the fact their feathers are not waterproof and hook their food with their hook like beak. The Iwa never travels more than 50 miles from land. The Polynesian fisherman look for the Iwa when they are fishing. If the Iwa is flying above they know they will be fruitful fisherman. Those lost at sea look for the Iwa. If they see the Iwa they know they are 50 miles from land. I love the sound of the birds chirping but I also love the resilience of this particular bird. A reminder that I can soar through any storm with the grace and resilience of that of the Iwa.
The last 24 hours have been rather challenging for me. In truth, there’s a part of my heart that’s broken. However, I’ve been praying really hard for strength and healing. Sometimes life throws us curveballs that aren’t necessarily comfortable. Despite it all we still have to keep moving.
Tonight I was on my way home from a meeting. I looked toward the Cascade Mountains and found myself in awe when I saw this beautiful sunset. It reminded me of the words Father Michael once told during one of his homilies at St Dominic’s in San Francisco.
Father Michael shared that when things in our life aren’t going as planned it’s important to remind ourselves “Something Wonderful Is About To Happen”. As I looked at this sunset and took these photos those words that I have held close to my heart for several years came to mind reminding me “Something Wonderful Is About To Happen”. I can’t say for sure that something wonderful is about to happen but what I do know is God really does exist. Maybe this sunset that took my breath away was just a reminder that no matter the circumstances he’s with me and everything is going to be ok. I hope so any way
Growing up my dad was a huge fan of the group ABBA. I grew up listening to all of their songs. I’m 53 years old and I still love ABBA. One of my dads favorite songs was Chiquitita. He used to play that song over and over and could sing every lyric. I think of my dad every time I hear that song.
When he passed away, my mother and I cleaned out his pickup. He had several bottles of Stetson cologne and many pictures of me. He even had copies of the ads I created while I was a Marketing Consultant. I remember asking my mom why my dad had so many pictures of me and why did he have so many of my ads. She said “because your dad always thought you were so beautiful and he was so proud of you”. I still get teary eyed thinking about that day when my mother and I cleaned out my dads pickup. In his pickup was also an ABBA cd. My dad had their greatest hits. It was no surprise that he would have that in his pickup. He was ABBAs biggest fan.
My dad and I were very close. In fact, he was not only my dad, but he was my best friend too. He was the rock in my life that was always there for me in the good times and the bad times. When life threw me a curveball, I knew I could always count on my dad to be by my side offering and encouraging the strength I needed to keep moving forward. There was never a challenge too big that I couldn’t overcome. I always knew I had my sidekick who would be by my side every step of the way. I’ll be honest, I’ve been lost without my dad since he passed away. My dad took a piece of not only my heart, but my entire being when he left. I’ve been floundering ever since. I’ve made some horrible choices, I’ve been depressed and any challenge has been just too big for me to handle without my dad by my side. I have found it hard to adjust to life without my side kick. Sadly, I still have a picture of me and my dad on my night stand. I wake up to it every morning.
This past November, depression, anxiety and PTSD finally took its toll. I’ve carried a heavy load for a really long time. Not to mention, I’ve had one trial after another. I’ve tried so hard to keep my head above water but not having my dad by my side to conquer everything has proved to be difficult. I’ve prayed, I’ve sought the help from life coaches, I’ve seen spiritual healers…you name it. I’ve tried it. I finally accepted the advice of my doctors and began taking anti-depressants. I’ll admit, my doctors have encouraged me to take them for the past seven years but I’ve refused. I really believed I would come out of this depression and everything would be ok. I was wrong. Every now and then it doesn’t hurt to get a little help. Even when that help includes an anti depressant and in my case, counseling too. I am not allowing myself to feel like a failure because I had to get a little help. I remind myself this is short term until I get my emotional self back on track. The result is I am feeling better every day. I’m even laughing again. However, I’ll be honest that void of my dad is still missing. I still miss him.
Since my dad passed away I’ve only dreamed of him once. That is, until a couple of weeks ago. I woke up sweating. I had been dreaming about my dad. In my dream, he was so disappointed in me. He was disappointed in a number of things. That disappointment was heart wrenching. When I woke up I knew I had to get my shit together. I had to pick myself up and start living life again.
Yesterday, I was having a hard day. I’ve been dealing with an issue that has weighed heavy on my life as well as emotional health. I’ve been angry at myself for not having the courage to walk away from that situation that has clearly become toxic in my life. I went on my walk and just felt beaten and defeated. I prayed the entire three and a half miles. I found myself praying for clarity, wisdom and strength. I found myself feeling hopeless and gutless. I found myself wishing my dad was here to be by my side offering the courage I need to walk away. Better yet, I found myself wishing my dad was here to just deal with the issue for me. That afternoon I got in my car. I started it and when I did, Chiquitita was on the radio. I immediately thought of my dad. I remembered how much he loved this song. As I listened to the lyrics, it became clear my dad was speaking to me through this song. The lyrics really touched my heart and led me to believe it was my dad reminding me that he was still with me. He was also reminding me of who I am as well as the strength I have to finally let go of the issue and begin to move forward. I couldn’t help but cry my eyes out while driving in my car.
I don’t feel the need to share my challenge tonight. I will share on a later post when I can share I finally got through it. However, I feel the need to share this song as well as the lyrics tonight for anyone going through a tough time. Like the song, I’d like to remind you like the song reminded me, that while you may feel there’s no hope for tomorrow, the sun is still in the sky shining above you. It’s shining above me too. If we sing a new song and try once more, together we will be dancing once again. I can get through anything and believe me when I say, so can you.
Here are the lyrics:
“Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong You’re enchained by your own sorrow In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow How I hate to see you like this There is no way you can deny it I can see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet
Chiquitita, tell me the truth I’m a shoulder you can cry on Your best friend, I’m the one you must rely on You were always sure of yourself Now I see you’ve broken a feather I hope we can patch it up together
Chiquitita, you and I know How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they’re leaving You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end You will have no time for grieving Chiquitita, you and I cry But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you Let me hear you sing once more like you did before Sing a new song, Chiquitita Try once more like you did before Sing a new song, Chiquitita
So the walls came tumbling down And your love’s a blown out candle All is gone and it seems too hard to handle Chiquitita, tell me the truth There is no way you can deny it I see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet
Chiquitita, you and I know How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they’re leaving You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end You will have no time for grieving Chiquitita, you and I cry But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you Let me hear you sing once more like you did before Sing a new song, Chiquitita Try once more like you did before Sing a new song, Chiquitita Try once more like you did before Sing a new song, Chiquitita”
Why is it that you’re everyone else’s greatest cheerleader, but you struggle to pick up the pom poms for yourself?
Don’t you realize that your cheer means more to others when they see you yelling “Yes you can!” for yourself? Only when you’re your own greatest cheerleader can you achieve what you must.
Not hearing that voice within?
YOU CAN DO IT! YES YOU CAN! BE YOUR SWEET SELF’S GREATEST FAN!
I’ve put $3 worth of gas in my tank before and I’ve put $40 in my tank. I’ve had $5 to feed myself and I’ve had $500 to go out to eat. I’ve asked for rides and given rides. I’ve had a house full of food and I’ve been without food. I’ve given people clothes. I’ve been given clothes. I’ve been in stores cashing out with no worries and I’ve also had to add it up and put it back. I’ve paid my rent in full and I’ve had to pay it late too. I’ve given money and I too have had to ask for it. We all have highs and lows in life, some certainly more than others, but we’re all just trying to make it. No one is better than anyone else, and I pity those who think that they are. No matter how big your house is, how new your car is, or how much money sits in your bank account – we all bleed red and will all die someday. Death has no discrimination neither should your life. Be kind to others. And know not everyone has the same heart as you… The people who pretend they love you so much will leave you standing in all the storms just so they can shine…
I Challenge you to copy & paste this! Most people won’t because they’re the person I’m talking about…. But if you are Genuine, Post A Picture of yourself.
I’m on my walk this morning. I love taking walks especially outdoors. I love the freedom and the peace that only nature can provide. I pray while I walk. I talk to god, I even yell at him while having a complete bitch fit. I’ve been known to call god the “F” word during my rants among other profanity. I’m not going to pretend I’m a saint by any means.
Being outside alone on my walk is about the only time I can think or vent when I have to. I have no idea if God can hear me. At times I wonder if he even exists but nevertheless, after I’ve made a complete spectacle of myself alone in the wilderness I put my headset on and listen to music. Today’s playlist includes “Little Guitars” by Van Halen. This señorita loves this song! Lol.
These past couple of months have been so draining. I have been so depressed. In July I found out the man I’ve been dating was cheating on me. That was a real blow. Somehow I didn’t see that coming. I battle PTSD and anxiety. This blow only intensified those battles. In addition, I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed with family obligations. One being my mother. That woman drives me insane. She demands so much of me. I’m a people pleaser so I spend my days pleasing everyone, including my mother while failing to please myself.
I’m struggling with insecurities about where I am in life. Last week I drove to Spokane to file bankruptcy. I have to admit, succumbing to accepting I could not dig myself out of the financial hole I’ve found myself in thanks to being sick was another blow. I feel like an absolute failure. I’m better than this or so I keep telling myself. I just can’t seem to find my purpose anymore. Ironically, I drove to my appointment with a ziploc bag full of change to give to any homeless person that might tug on my heart strings. I actually thought to myself “really Velma?! You’re filing bankruptcy but you’re giving away change?! What’s wrong with you?!! ” To add fuel to the Fire September 14th is the anniversary date of the day my life changed forever. It’s the day my dad passed away. I’ve been on an uncontrollable spiral of destruction ever since. I hate September. More importantly, after seven years I’m still heartbroken. I’d give anything to have one more day with my dad. One more phone call. One more joke. He always made me laugh. Losing a parent really sucks!! This is one of the last fun memories I had with my dad, uncle and cousin. We look like thugs but we were all together.
I thought I would share today not for any reason other than it’s my way of saying I get it. I know life can be a struggle sometimes. Some of you might be in the thick of a challenge right now. I post positive affirmations every day on Facebook, Instagram and even on my blog but I want you to know that I struggle every day too. My challenges may not be your challenges but they are challenges nonetheless. I’m sure some days you wonder if god exists. I do too. Everyone does. We are all human. All I know is we can’t give up. None of us can. We have to keep fighting and keep moving forward. Eventually good days come and we look back and realize how far we’ve come. Trust me. I speak the truth because I’ve been there. Have a great day!! 🌹
“Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates, You Never Know What You’ll Get”.
I have pondered that many times. After much thought and reflection, I have to disagree. While it’s true, life is similar to a box of chocolates you never know what you’ll get, but we’re talking about a box of chocolate!!! Who cares?! Chocolate is delicious! Who doesn’t love chocolate?! Life….Well it’s not always delicious!!
In my opinion life is more like a box of jawbreakers with an occasional box of pop rocks. It’s hard and requires a lot of patience to get to the finish line and enjoy the prize waiting for us. Occasionally, life throws you a curveball causing you to experience an explosion.
My point is while life is a challenge every day, whatever you do, don’t give up. If you don’t, you will most certainly reach the finish line and finally enjoy the prize that’s been waiting there all the time. Waiting for you to claim it!! – Velma Perez Dunkin (fiercefabulousfunny.com)
I’m a worrier by nature. I worry about everything. Finances, health, relationships and oven worry about the possibility of things that haven’t happened yet. I drive myself insane. For me, once sorry sets in, depression comes, failure, low self esteem and worse I give up.
As of late, I’ve worked diligently on changing this extremely negative attribute. On Monday I met with my oncologist. Recently I found a lump. This lump, however is not on my breast. It’s to the right of my breast on my rib cage. Is it Cancer? Heck if I know. What I do know is on Tuesday I will have an ultra sound. Until then, I’m not going to worry about it.
Yesterday I had a colonoscopy. It’s my third since being diagnosed with pre-colon cancer in 2015. I spent all day Tuesday prepping for the procedure. If you’ve ever had a colonoscopy you can attest the prep is no fun. This time however, I didn’t worry about the outcome. You can’t imagine what a difference not worrying made. My prep was a cake walk as was the procedure. In the end I had three polyps removed as well as a diverticulitis spot removed. They have all been sent in for a biopsy. As for me, I’m not going to worry about it.
My family has been in a very challenging lawsuit since my dads passing. This challenge has brought so much strife in to our life. However, again, I don’t know what the outcome will be. What I do know, I’m not going to worry about it.
My finances are a mess and I face challenges everyday. I’ve spent so much time worrying opposed to spending time finding gratitude in the little things that are positive in my life. Life is short. I don’t know what the future holds for me but what I do know is I’m tired of worrying about it.
This morning the following passages appeared in my life. A reminder that I have nothing to worry about. God is in control. The passage is Matthew 6 28-34
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
If this passage isn’t a reminder to stop worrying then the following song should be. I was in my car this morning and the first song to come on was this great tune by Stevie Wonder. “Don’t you worry about a thing”. Seriously?! I think The Bi Guy is sending me a message.
We all have trials in our life. We all face problems. Some of us more than others. However, if we could just let go and believe in the possibility that everything will work out for our greatest good, Wouldn’t life be easier?! I think so.
fiercefabulousfunny 