How many of you women have found yourself in toxic relationships with a man who continuously treats you like garbage. He causes so much havoc in your life that you think you’re going insane?
I’ve found myself in these types of relationships a time or two. My guy was guilty of gaslighting me to the point I lost my sense of self respect as well as integrity. I could no longer make decisions. My head was always racing with crazy thoughts. Even thoughts of suicide.
A dear friend once sent this to me and as I read the message I found myself embarrassed. Even though the words were hurtful, especially coming from my best friend who is a male. Sadly I knew everything he said was true. I found myself reading the message this morning. I wanted to remind myself that I had to always value myself more than I value a relationship with any toxic person.
I’m sharing these questions my friend asked me to ponder while going through my own drama because I know there are many women out there who are in abusive, toxic relationships with a narcissist person whose only value is in gaslighting you and making you crazy. You’re not crazy. As you read this maybe you will relate to some but not all of the questions. If you do, I pray you find the strength to get out before it’s too late. Take pride in the woman you are. I need to always do the same. I often remember the words my dad used to say to me “Velma….men are like greyhound busses. There’s always another one at the next stop going to the same place for the same fare”. In other words, there is always someone better out there. Don’t waste your time with anyone who disrespects you, cheats on you, calls you names or makes you feel crazy when he lies to you claiming he’s simply telling a white lie or blames you for his indiscretions and saying you’re crazy. You’re not crazy!! It’s not your fault!! They are the problem. Not you. Instead walk away and pray for the next victim that comes in contact with that person. Their story will be your story in no time flat. I don’t wish my story, my experience with anyone.
This is what my friend wrote:
You LOVE a guy who….
1. Cheats on you (in my case hours before my flight landed to go see him)
2 A guy who likes dildos in his ass. (Humiliating in itself)
3 A guy who is broke ass poor.
4. A guy who cheats on you with women who are basically whores (I’m not sure they were whores rather victims like me)
5. You find all this out when you find his tablet (yup. That’s how I found out. I knew something was amiss so I snooped)
6. He nickels and dimes you
7 He calls you names ALL the time (bitch, _unt, you’re crazy, possessed just to name a few)
8. He lives 5 states over (we lived in different states)
9. You don’t see him on a regular basis (always fighting. One minute he wanted me and the next he ignored me and wouldn’t take my calls. He needed to meditate and drift)
10. He Gaslights you. (Example he called me a freak. When I confronted him saying not to call me that ever again he accused me of hearing things. Omg. He made me crazy!)
11. Lies about everything. His excuse is he’s not lying. He just tells a bunch of “white lies to protect our relationship! Bullshit! He is a liar!
12. Doesn’t value you nor does he respect you.
13 If he really wanted you he would fly to you for a day or two (I had to fly to see him and pay not only to get there but everything while being there)
14 He laughs at you behind your back. You’re crazy and obsessed! Remember?!!
15 No game plan or commitment. The only commitment is the one he wants from you.
Why do you want to be with such a total loser?!!
You decide! Read this again until you understand what he is! A loser! Your a loser as much as he is if you continue to stay with him.
I still find myself mortified when I read this. What on gods green earth was I thinking?! The truth is, I wasn’t. My life had become insane.
It’s hard to take that first step and walk away. Harder to heal from the craziness. However, time heals everything and before you know it you will head to the “bus stop” and find a better guy going your way.
If you need someone to talk to please email or call me. I’ve been there. I get it. I will listen and be your support as you make the decision to take your power back and dump that loser who has overtaken your life.