Back On My Feet 1-12-16

Facebook has this wonderful memory ap that reminds you of things you may have posted on that particular day. I suppose in the hopes the memory will spark a little piece of happiness. The ap notifies you of all your “memories” going back several years and you can choose to share your memories or not. 

Today is January 12th. Like most days, Facebook posted my memories along with pictures I may have posted on this day over the years. I reviewed my photos and low and behold a picture of my ex, Ron, popped up. On this day in 2012, Ron and I met and quickly became a couple. We celebrated the 12th of every month as our anniversary. It was a happy time. However, when I saw the photo today, happy was not the feeling that I felt when I looked at the picture. For me it was a reminder of how choosing the wrong partner can change our lives forever. I should’ve chose the guy hugging me!! Lol Ron certainly changed my life forever. And I can assure you not for the better. 

As I ponder that fateful night I realized that while my decision to engage in a relationship with Mephistopheles  himself, may have brought pain, suffering and heartache, it also brought so much growth. The past four years have been nothing short of a “magical carpet ride” It’s taken me places I’ve never seen before and honestly I never want to see again. 

For the past year and a half, I’ve battled cancer, financial difficulties, loneliness, emotional abuse, the list goes on, all while in a relationship with the star of “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” Ron Rodriguez! Through it all, I’ve had this recurring dream of walking on a stage wearing a pencil, tight, red dress and wearing a scarf on my head. People are cheering and applauding as I walk on stage. I begin to speak and share my story of survival. At the end of my speech, music begins to play. It’s a song by The Babys. John Waite is belting out “Back On My Feet Again”. I flex my arm and hold up a fist and shout “I’m back on my feet! I made it. You can too!” The applause is so loud as I walk off the stage.  This is only a dream but a dream I have had so often this past year. Maybe it’s wishful thinking or maybe a sign of good days to come. 

Life has a way with coming full circle. Today may have been a reminder of that fateful day I met the “man of my dreams” and my life changed forever but the good news is, I’m no longer in that relationship and rather than reflect on the past and the pain it caused, I feel the need to see today as the end of that period. Life has finally come full circle. I choose to see it as closure.  Four years ago I started over, four years later I have been given another chance. I find myself starting over and while my life may not be peaches and cream right now, it’s not the spoonful of vinegar it was only eight months ago. Just like in 2012 when I travelled to San Francisco to heal from the death of my father, this month I will be traveling to Maui to heal from the past four years. I’m beginning a new circle of life. And guess what “Jack Nicholson” (my ex), isn’t in it. His new beginning is right around the corner. Things always come back and I suspect the next four years for him will certainly not be peaches and cream. After all, we reap what we sow.  I may still be battling cancer, loneliness and all the other crap that comes with beginning again but one thing I know is I’m still standing. I’m making it every day through the grace of God. For that I’m grateful!!

Today I’m not on that stage I’ve dreamed of so much. I’m not wearing a pencil, tight, red dress and I don’t have a crowd cheering me on and applauding me, but I’m still here and I’m still standing. I don’t know what the future has in store for me but I’m praying that this new circle of life will bring me a new beginning and a new amazing life. Today marks the end of a bad memory and the beginning of new and happy memories coming my way.  Thank you John Waite for the greatest song ever!!!  I’m on the road to being “back on my feet again!!!



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