Dear Santa 

I saw this post on Facebook the other day and it’s true I want all those I love to be healthy, happy and loved. What isn’t true  is that I don’t want a lot for Christmas.  I DO want a lot for Christmas, Santa and I think I deserve it!! 

I’ve been a good girl this year, Santa. I really have. I’ve been kind and very loving. I always help others and I even stopped doing my nails. This was a big sacrifice. I hardly ever complain or rarely become angry unless I’m provoked. Take my ex for instance. He provoked me Into having racing thoughts of wanting to run him over with a truck, backing up and doing it again but I didn’t do it. I swear. He’s the bad guy here. Not me!   And take my mom for instance.  I’ll admit, I occasionally want to strangle her neck but you would too if she called you from across the hall at three in the morning asking you to rub her feet. Who does this woman think she is anyway?!  The Queen of Sheba?! 

I’ve spent many hours at the casino with my mom. A huge sacrifice for me. I’m not a gambler. I’ve driven in nasty weather all for the sake of making my mother happy. Just the other night after driving over an hour on the interstate in a major snow storm, scared half out of my mind praying the rosary all the way home, only to be greeted by my mother with her coat on when I arrived demanding I take her to the grocery store, I didn’t blow a fuse!  No siree. I met her with love and drove her there. Ok, so I wanted to tackle her down for being so inconsiderate and demanding and start yelling at her, but again those were just thoughts, Santa. I was a good girl and didn’t act on any of my rage. Honest engine. Every night I even watch the telenovelas with my mom despite not understanding a word these people are saying. That’s got to count for something!!!

I’ve had to deal with this horrible weather missing the warmth of sunny California and I’ve never complained once….well maybe I have once or twice but that’s only because my body is fragile and is prone  to sunny, warm weather like the beaches of beautiful Maui.  I’m very delicate you know. That’s just how the lord made me, so again….Not my fault. 

I’ve been super sweet and I’m rarely ever caddy except of course when I was forced to laugh at the gentlemen who texted me a picture of himself wearing a totally rediculous outfit asking me out on a date. I mean really, who wears 80’s clothes anymore?!!!! Jeepers. I’ve caused a few hairdressers headaches but I’m desperate for my hair to grow back. 

With that said, here’s what I want for Christmas:

A home in Maui and San Francisco so I can escape the clutches of my mother at any given moment. I need a break!!!  A home with 118 rooms for my mother and I to live in. Might I suggest contacting The Donald himself?  That crazy nut has an awesome place with 118 rooms in Florida that looks pretty awesome! Maybe you can work out a deal. My mother is a handful to live with so I’ll need a driver, a maid and a live in nurse to massage my mothers feet at three in the morning. Poor thing, she needs to be pampered and to be quite honest, I’m exhausted. I’d like a new Mercedes and a Jeep  so I can drive my mother around in any kind of weather. A hot tub would be nice and my own personal masseuse would be a bonus. I’m stressed out!!  I’m super lonely so could you find me a hot new boyfriend? One that showers of course!   That would be great.  I need a new wardrobe to look stylish for the boyfriend, a personal trainer and a book deal. I think that’s it. 

Wait, there’s more. I’d like a trip to Europe. Spain and Italy will be fine and my mother can go with me. A trip to Brazil. I need to be educated on these telenovelas. Maybe a trip to Vegas!!! I need to learn to love gambling!!! A million dollars and a chance to be on TV. That’s about it. I’ll keep you advised as more things pop up. In the meantime, this list is a good start so my advice is you better get started!!!  Christmas is in four days!!! 

I can’t thank you enough, Santa. I’m looking forward to waking up on Christmas morning and seeing all my presents under the tree and my two new cars in my driveway. 

Thank you again Santa. You’re the best. 

Love your bestest girl….

Velma D