I received a Facebook private message yesterday from a friend and former client from my home town in Moses Lake Washington. She wrote me privately to share that she had heard a rumor that was going around town. It involved me and a close male friend. I won’t go in to details however, I have to admit, not only was I offended, I was livid! Especially since the rumor was not only malicious, it was a flat out lie. I couldn’t understand how a rumor like that got started nor could I understand why the person who made it up would tell such a tall tale about me and a close friend. I don’t live there anymore. In fact, I haven’t lived in Moses Lake since 2012. I live in California over 1000 miles away. My only interaction with most people is through Facebook. But as I pondered this it occurred to me shame on the person who is obviously a very unhappy individual who takes pride in hurting others. How sad!
I looked up the word “rumor” on Wikipedia today. I’ve copied it for your review. A rumor is not only a tall tale, about someone or something, more often than not its regarded as misinformation and simply false. That is the case with the rumor I was told was circulating about me. I was angry at first, but on the other hand I could understand how some might view my relationships with other people to be more than a friendship. I’ve always been a loyal person to those who have been there for me when I was down. My loyalty and friendship is no different with the person at the center of the tall tale circulating about me.
Growing up, my dad gave me many words of wisdom. He offered advice and wisdom the best he knew how. I’ve lived my life based on the wisdom he taught me. While some of his advice may be viewed as a crazy way of thinking, my dads words of wisdom are what have molded me in to the person I’m proud to be today. My dad always saw the good in others and he was always willing to help those less fortunate. My dad grew up very poor therefore, he made it his life’s mission to help those in need. He used to say “Gordy, (my nickname) never forget where you came from and never forget who was there for you along the way!” My dad was a lot of things but he was loyal! As kids we were poor. My dad worked hard to build a company that provided a living to support his family. He became very prosperous but the thing about my dad was he never forgot where he came from and what it was to struggle. He also never forgot the people who were there for him along the way as he climbed his way to the top. He didn’t care if the person was a felon, a thief or even a scoundrel, if that person had been there for him when he was down he never forgot it and stood by them at all costs! An attribute that I learned from him and still live by today.
I’ve hit rock bottom a few times in my life and when I say rock bottom……I mean Rock Bottom. The past 3 years are no different. I’ve been rock bottom since I got to San Francisco and to add fuel to the fire, I’m fighting cancer all alone in a strange city with no friends, no family and no money. This is the worse rock bottom I’ve ever experienced. However, through the grace of God, I’ve been fortunate in many ways. There are people here that have been there for me. Ron is no exception. Now I have no idea how long I’ll be here but I can assure you of this, that even if I’m home and no longer in San Francisco I will be loyal to Ron for all the help he’s given me as I’ve been on this journey. Our relationship has been all over the board, he’s a trip but I can’t bring myself to ever forget the good things he has provided me with. My loyalty will always be with him forever and a day. But not only with him, my friends at home who have been there for me also. I never forget!
Like I said I’ve hit rock bottom several times. But through the help of others I was able to pick myself up and land on my feet again. Some of these people were female friends while others were male friends. I was able to land on my feet again and my circumstances may have changed, but my loyalty and appreciation towards these people didn’t.
In December of 1995, I was battling anorexia and bulimia. I was so sick one day I could barely get through the day. I was supposed to make whipping cream chicken that night and I was supposed to decorate our Christmas tree. I called up my friend Gary. He got in his car and drove to my house immediately. He decorated my tree that afternoon and he helped me make dinner. He build up my spirits and I was able to make it through the day. The following month I hadn’t eaten in 9 days so I was hospitalized for 60 days for my eating disorder. It was Gary who visited me every weekend and always brought me a bouquet of flowers. He’s been my best friend ever since. Gary has had his own troubles but I’ve never turned my back on him because he was there for me when I needed him the most.
1989 I got pregnant with my oldest son Sky. Dave, my ex boyfriend dumped me after 5 months of being pregnant. He went on to make my pregnancy so miserable but in 1999 after my ex husband knocked my teeth out and split my lip in half, it was Dave who was by my side. When I was going through my divorce in 2000, my ex husband was refusing to give me money. He even cut off my costco card. I couldn’t afford to buy groceries for my kids. It was Dave who drove me to Costco and Safeway and bought me and the kids over $1000 worth of groceries. I was so touched that since then my loyalty has always been with him no matter the circumstances. Also in 1999 as I was going through my divorce, my heater had broken and my heating bill escalated to over $800. I didn’t have the money to pay for it but out of the blue, my friend Gerald came and paid the expenses to have the electricity turned back on and my heater fixed. Dave and Gerald share a birthday, November 4th. Every year, no matter where I am, I reach out to both of them to wish them a Happy Birthday. It’s called loyalty to my friends who were there when I was down.
In 1991 I married my ex husband Eric. Our marriage was nothing short of tumultuous and we finally divorced. Are we the best of friends? No way but I will say this, he blessed me with 2 beautiful children. For that I’m so grateful and if Eric was ever in trouble or sick, I’d be there for him in a heart beat!
In 2001 after going through a very expensive divorce that I have deemed “The War Of The Dunkins” I was forced to move out of the family home. I moved to a small rental in Moses Lake. I had 3 kids and no job. I was depressed so I did what every divorced mom does, I drank myself silly for 1 year. After 2 Dui’s in 3 months and a trip to jail after being on a 3 day drunk and blackout and throwing a cell phone at my boyfriend, in 2002 it was Garth who picked me up out of the gutter. He helped my parents get me in to rehab. I was rock bottom. I was told by the counselors I was lucky to be alive. Garth went on to represent me and was very instrumental in holding me accountable for staying sober. He saved my life. I’ve been his devoted and loyal friend ever since.
I could go on and on about the loyalty I have towards others but I chose these examples since the rumor I was told about were accusations of a friendship that supposedly goes beyond being friends. The truth is, it’s possible to have male friends that are not romantic in nature. In my case it’s called being loyal. I looked up the word loyal. It means the quality or state of being loyal. A loyal feeling. A strong support for someone or something. Just because a female person is friends with a male, it doesn’t always mean it’s romantic in nature. Before jumping to conclusions and starting rumors, maybe you should ask the person first. You might be surprised to hear the story that goes behind the friendship.
I’m not always going to be perfect. I’m going to make mistakes as I travel this road of life. Today I’m rock bottom but I know it won’t be long until I land on my feet again and I’ll be on top of the world again. But the beauty of being me is that I have a strong sense that I’ll never forget where I came from and I’ll never forget who was there for me when I was down. Thank goodness for the words of wisdom my dad taught me to live by.
So the next time you want to start a rumor or you hear a rumor, before you go spreading a tall tale around be a friend and find out the truth first. I’m grateful to my friend and client who was loyal enough to reach out to me first.
My song today for the person spreading rumors is this……Rumors by the Timex Social Club. Enjoy it! 😄
A rumor or rumour (see spelling differences) is “a tall tale of explanations of events circulating from person to person and pertaining to an object, event, or issue in public concern”. However, a review of the research on rumor conducted by Pendleton in 1998 found that research across sociology, psychology, and communication studies had widely varying definitions of rumor.
In the social sciences, a rumor involves some kind of a statement whose veracity is not quickly or ever confirmed. In addition, some scholars have identified rumor as a subset of propaganda.
Rumors are also often discussed with regard to “misinformation” and “disinformation” (the former often seen as simply false and the latter seen as deliberately false, though usually from a government source given to the media or a foreign government). Rumors thus have often been viewed as particular forms of other communication concepts.