I woke up this morning in so much pain again. My hips and back hurt. My neck hurts and my legs hurt so much I can barely walk or lye down for that matter. I’ve been reminding myself “you’re tough Velma!!! Walk it off. You will get through this!” I believe that. As I pace back and forth I find myself reflecting on events in my life when I was strong, Invincible and I’m reminded of how strong I really am. At times, I forget. I’m a very good person with a compassionate heart, I’m also a woman to be reckoned with. When I’m on my game, I’m not easily intimidated and I certainly have no problem being one tough lady. Somewhere along the line, I lost that spirit but for some reason I think it’s coming back!!!
I have many positive attributes. It’s obvious when I look at my Facebook page and I see all the encouraging and supportive comments I receive from so many people who I call my friends. Everyone on my Facebook is listed as my friend opposed to acquaintance. I am grateful to each and every one of them. We all have positive attributes but we all have negative attributes also. I’m no different. One of my biggest negative attributes is setting boundaries. Boundaries has never been one of my strongest suits. I suppose because I’m not fond of conflict or fighting for that matter, so at times in my life I have found it is easier to not set them. I don’t like conflict so being complacent at times is just easier. The problem with this is after a while I get so tired of being complacent I simply blow up and look out!!! I’m working on this. I’m still a work in progress.
As I sit here trying to write while in so much pain I have reflected on the times I was tough, strong a real rebel and it’s a reminder that not only will I get through this but “this too shall pass”.
I was married for almost 10 years. Like most marriages, we had some good times and we had some bad. The blessing was and still is are my children. I can’t begin to express how much I love them. My ex husband was a lovely chap. He was 6’5″ and weighed over 300 pounds. He was a good guy. He still is however there was one problem. He had a tendency to become physically abusive. Now I’m not one of those gals that’s going to sit here and trash my ex husband. I’m a true believer that it takes 2 to make or break any relationship. I wasn’t a saint, but neither was he. Of course if you ask my ex he will tell you it was all my fault. Typical. My ex had beat me up one night. This was to be one of many. He fractured my jaw, my nose and he improved my looks by giving me a shiner. The good news, Purple and blue are my favorite colors!!! The neighbors called my dad as my ex was chasing me down the street kicking me while I was trying to get away from him. My dad was there to pick me up in the blink of an eye. I won’t tell you what my dad did to my ex. The following day my mother in law came to see me. I was a mess. I couldn’t open my mouth. She was trying to figure out what was wrong with me that would cause her son to do this. I looked at her in the face and said “are you serious? Look at me. I can’t even open my mouth!” That day I said to myself “you will never do this to me again!” Every morning when my ex husband left for work, I began working out and taught myself Taebo. Billy Banks was really popular at the time. My ex went on to do it again several times but one day he came home from work. It was Halloween. I was on the floor doing sit ups. My ex stood over me and said the most derogatory thing to me. It was so terrible I still can’t bring myself to repeat it. He walked in to the bedroom. I stood up and followed him. I walked up to him and looked him in the eye and said “you son of a bitch!” I made a Billy Banks fist and POW right in his face. He was taken aback but I didn’t back down. Keep in mind, I’m 5’3″ and I weighed 103 pounds at the time. He threatened me saying he was going to call 9-1-1. I wasn’t about to let him intimidate me so I picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1 myself and I threw the phone on the bed. I walked out of the room and took a shower. Thank god!!! My ex had me arrested. I didn’t care. It felt so good to stand up for myself. I knew then I was stronger than I knew. Our marriage didn’t last. But I still think about that incident. It’s not one of my fondest memories but when I do think about it I remember the feeling of strength that came over me that day and I’m reminded I am a strong woman. I didn’t let my ex husband get the best of me so I’ll be damned if I let some achy bones or cancer get the best of me either.
I could go on and on and share many other times that I exhibited strength but I’ll save those stories for another day. I think all woman have a sense of untapped strength inside of them. It emerges when we find ourselves backed in to a corner. Lately I have felt like I’m backed in to a corner but the positive is, I’m fighting back. Not just with cancer but in my relationships also. I’m standing up for myself again. I’m feeling that fighting spirit return. The old Velma is emerging and I have to say I really like it. Tada!!!! I’m back!!!
If you’re feeling weak today or you’re feeling like you can’t go another day, pick yourself up, put on your fighting gloves and POW! Right between the eyes. You’ll feel like a million bucks when you do.
PS – Do Not hit someone and land yourself in jail. Those orange suits and Hanes underwear they make you wear are just so unattractive!!!!