I’ve been under the weather today still feeling the effects of chemo. I’m hungry, but nothing sounds good. I’m so tired. I wish I had energy. Chemo comes with many possible side effects. I’ve been lucky in some areas, not so lucky in others but I have to say the worse part of chemo is “chemo fog”. I’m not fond of feeling loopy, high and/ or forgetful. No fun. As I’ve shared, I’ve discovered meditation. I have to admit, I’m no professional but whatever I’m doing seems to really help. I have been following the tools for beginners that I read from the book Chakra for Beginners. Keep in mind, I’m only a beginner.
This morning I lied flat on my back and began the breathing exercises. Step one when meditating. I tried to center myself and slowly began the meditation process. I ‘m a very high strung individual so this has been difficult. But for some reason, today was different. A feeling of calm came over me. I began to feel strong as I focused on the color red. As I focused on all the other colors and chakras, I began to feel independent. I saw myself on a lanai wearing a white robe, typing on a lap top with a view of the ocean. I was surrounded by my children, my mother, my brother and his family. I saw a book on the table that I had written. Next I was being introduced on a stage in front of millions of people cheering me on. I kept feeling like it was Rick Warren’s stage. The Arena was filled with friends, strangers and fans. First I walked out wearing a red sleeveless dress. I had my wig on but the cheering crowd gave me the inspiration to take my wig off and I was only wearing my little black hat. I felt so confident. I had this sense I had finally reached my dream of bringing inspiration to others. I felt like I had found my calling. I was comfortable in my own skin even though I had no hair. As I stayed in the moment I heard a man’s voice whispering. “Achievement”. At first it was a whisper but then the voice was louder. This may sound crazy but suddenly I saw God. He whispered the words achievement, focus and he told me to write a book. He told me to go home. In my meditation I said. “Where is home?” He whispered ” Maui”. He told me to help others, to share my wealth. I asked. “What wealth?” (After all, I’m broke. Lol.). He just kept repeating “share your wealth, help others”. He then told me to go home to my children. I reached out for his hand and said I would do what he said however I didn’t have the power or the knowledge to accomplish any of these things. He grabbed my hand and suddenly I was climbing rope on a cliff over looking the ocean. He pulled me up. I saw the water below me and I suddenly had the courage to dive. When I did, I found myself flying in the air. I did a flip and landed in the sand on both feet. At that point I opened my eyes.
I have no idea what any of this means but when I got up I noticed I had a google message from a woman I met last year in Maui. Her name is Carol. She had read one of my blogs on Google and was disappointed I hadn’t contacted her when I was there. In truth, the whole time I was there I kept thinking about Carol. I wish I had. I wrote her back and she replied saying she was sending love and a light my way. She also reminded me that I am a warrior. I remembered this song I’m sharing with all of you. The Warrior by Scandal. It was a very popular song when I was in high school. I loved it. I went to YouTube and listened to the song. It brought back memories of my grandpa. My grandparents had come to visit us in Washington from Texas. My grandfather was a feisty old man. We were watching this video on MTV when suddenly my grandpa looked at me and said ” you’re prettier”. He really melted my heart and to this day I remember that moment vividly. Today however, this song is a reminder that I am a warrior!!! Things in my life seem impossible, overwhelming but if I trust god all things are possible. That includes beating cancer, getting home to my kids, making my home in Maui, writing a book, being on stage, helping others and sharing my wealth!!! All the outrageous requests I saw while meditating. I believe we all have a warrior inside of us. We can rise above anything. The trick is we have to believe not only in ourselves but believe in a higher power and trust with god all things are possible.
Like the song today “I’m shooting at the walls of heartache. Bang! Bang! But I am a warrior!!!! Victory is mine!!!!” Victory can be yours too! Today my life is filled w many challenges and struggles. I’m sure some of you reading this may be facing your own challenge but my advice is Don’t Give Up!!!! You’re a warrior and so am I. My kids haven’t acknowledged my existence in over a month. It hurts but I’m hanging on to the fact that soon, very soon they will see the warrior that I truly am and will be proud to call me their mother. I’m sending warrior vibes out with this blog to anyone struggling today along with lots of love!! Don’t give up !!! Be a warrior.